


Don't be Afraid to Fall

by CooperNox (CooperMox)



Series: Ground and Sky [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: #this has spiraled out of control, Alternate Universe - Homeless, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Clexa, Explicit Language, F/F, Families of Choice, Fluff and Smut, Foster Care, MMA, Music, NSFW, Past Child Abuse, Prompt Fic, Role Reversal, Songfic, Street Fights, Street music, Unexpected Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-04-07 18:23:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4273398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CooperMox/pseuds/CooperNox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: choose a song to write from and/or street musician, Clarke meets a troubled Lexa.</p><p>Or </p><p>Lexa has a life now, away from the streets and gangs of homeless kids that she grew up in, but could the siren song of the wild and fierce 'Griffin of the underground' bring her back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maieisn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maieisn/gifts).



> Oops, I did a thing, enjoy. :)  
> <3 to Maieisn

~"They kicked me out of the parade, guess I had too much to say. I couldn't bend to fit myself inside the lines and I have wasted too much time just tryin'."~

The platform was mostly empty aside from the girl with the guitar. Lexa knew she'd have to wait thirty minutes or so for the next train so she sat, barely listening as she put her head between her knees, trying to forget her day.

~"I know you're caught up in the show, and its so hard to let it go. To lose the mask you've always hid yourself behind, to live a life of your design, to say what's really on your mind, to come out of the dark and shine."~

The girl in the corner sang the verse louder, leading into the chorus, the words ringing clear to Lexa now as her own voice quieted in her head.  
_'Surprisingly accurate.'_ She thought. But that only reminded her why she had run out of the office and was thirty minutes early for the next train home, one she was often late for.  
Anya and Indra weren't bad employers, but she was the consultant, and they never listened. She'd been silenced, talked over and deliberately ignored for months. And she didn't mind most days, but today. Today made the paycheck significantly less worth it. She hadn't quit, but she had left in a hurry after making it very clear that she wouldn't be bullied anymore. 

~"Don't be afraid to fall, you know the ground is never too far from the sky. And we don't need their walls. The universe has bigger plans for you and I. So baby hold up your head, don't ever let 'em see you cry."~

The girl finished, setting her guitar against the wall, as a man threw his cigarette butt in her case in passing.  
"Fuck you too mister!" She yelled after him, using one of the bills in the case to pinch the cherry out before it singed the velvet. Lexa laughed. She tried to keep it to herself but the man's face contorted and turned violently red before he made it up the stairs and out of view, and it was hilarious to her. Maybe because her nerves were fried, but also, the busker's gall, calling out one of what Lexa was sure was many, jackasses that couldn't appreciate talent just because it came from someone less fortunate than themselves.  
_'Not that that's always the case.'_ She reminded herself, watching the girl angrily collect the coins and bills and ticket stubs from her case. She'd known a few musicians in college that would come down to the subway for the acoustics and pocket change. 

You think it's funny? This is the most expensive thing I own." The girl called from her corner, staring fierce blue daggers at Lexa. Her eyes widened in horror.  
"What?! No! Nonononono, I was laughing at him. I'm so sorry. He looked like he was going to explode right out of his Armani. Those corporate suits think they can get away with anything and no one will call them out." She offered a small apologetic smile as the girl studied her. 

"You look like one of them." She finally spoke. Lexa looked down at her own suit, neatly tailored and ironed, and saw what the girl meant. To someone in an oversized raincoat and ripped jeans, boots that had seen much better days and hair that probably hadn't felt shampoo in days, Lexa looked just like another wall street prick, headed home to her high rise apartment with a doorman and having a jacuzzi bath before heading to a fancy restaurant with investors or a rich boyfriend. She was not that. But that was the part she played, to keep the nice job, to pay the bills and keep herself off the street. 

"It's practically a costume really." Lexa felt like she had to explain, make this girl understand. She stood and moved to sit beside the girl, back to the tile wall, in the corner. The girl scooched away slightly, eyeing her warily.  
"I'm Lexa. And I swear, I'm not one of them." She offered a hand to shake and the girl hesitated before gripping her forearm. A street kid handshake. Lexa returned the grip and smiled.  
"Griffin." Was all the girl said, releasing her hold and smoothing her hair back and re adjusting her ponytail.  
"Nice. How'd you earn that one?" Lexa had been 'Commander' at the youth shelter she'd spent her last few years of high school at. She knew how it worked for people like Griffin. You're given a name until you choose one or earn one. Only the social workers and cops use what's on your birth certificate.  
"It's my last name actually. But my crew decided it fit. 'Fights like a lion, sings like a bird' they said. My real name is Clarke."  
Lexa was shocked for a moment by the admission. A street's given name was usually a closely kept secret, not something to share with a stranger in a subway station.  
"You do have a beautiful voice, Clarke." She tried the name, getting the odd feeling from the way it was given to her that the girl would rather use it than her street name.  
"Thanks." She blushed, turning her head slightly, pretending to inspect her guitar. 

"So what's your story, Lexa?" Clarke dropped her name onto her sentence after a pause, emphasizing its use.  
"You came down here like you were the last one to church before the sermon started. Went straight to prayin'. Praying." She corrected herself when the street cant took over.  
"Rough day at the doll house."  
"You're a stripper?" She questioned. Lexa laughed again, a musical sound that filled the now nearly empty platform. "Not anymore." She winked. And Clarke wasn't sure if she was joking or not.  
"It's this stupid dress house, I'm supposed to be giving input on marketing and sales, but I might as well be the errand girl."  
"You spill someone's coffee? Or were you trying on the merchandise?" Clarke joked, setting her guitar in its case, the money tucked away in her backpack.  
"I honestly wouldn't wear any of that shit to save my life. I just put my foot down about being treated like crap, and I'll probably be fired for it, but I just snapped. At least I won't have to pretend anymore." She sighed, venting to a stranger maybe wasn't the most rational thing to do, but she felt better.

"Pretend what exactly?"  
"Nosey."  
"Hey, you came to sit with me."  
They both laughed and Lexa had to answer.  
"Let's just say I would be far more comfortable in your position than mine."  
"And you know my position?" Clarke accused, withdrawing a little.  
"You're street right? I grew up around here, on the streets, in the tunnels. I'm no musician, I was always getting into fights actually, but making my money down here on talent alone, I miss that life sometimes."  
"Damn, lookit you. Made it off the streets and now you're a big shot errand girl."  
"Yeah yeah. I'm sure whatever CEO that signed the check on my college tuition for a tax break is real proud."

Clarke picked up her guitar again, strumming out a few chords as people started to fill in the platform slowly but surely.  
"So you were one of us 'Til what, four years ago? I should know you if you came up around here." She wasn't trying to correct herself any longer, but she talked lower so the music would cover her voice.  
"Six actually. How long have you been out here?"  
"Five years. Aged out of the system and never had anywhere to go, so I stuck with my crew. Got about a hundred or so now. Takin' care of the younger ones, me and a couple of guys. We brought a bunch of little families together, got out of the tents an' shit an' moved us down here. We're not Streets anymore. We're Undergrounders. Well, Grounders. The other is a mouthful."  
Lexa was impressed. She'd led a crew when she was fourteen, had twelve other small families by the time she was sixteen and for DC street and foster kids, it was a pretty big feat. She wondered if any of her old crew were part of Clarke's family now. 

The train pulled in in a roar and Lexa debated not getting on it. But Clarke was beginning to play an actual progression of chords that sounded like the start to a song, and Lexa didn't want to deter others from giving her money or at least the attention she seemed to drink in as a departing couple stepped off the train and stood watching her for a time, Lexa stood, reaching to grasp Clarke's arm once again. She stopped strumming long enough for a quick shake.  
"Here's my ride." Lexa said sadly. The realization that she was sad to leave this street girl, _'Grounder girl. The name is important. '_ she reminded herself, was an unsettling one. She tried to convince herself that she liked talking to Clarke because she was homesick for her old family, her crew. The truth was a little further off than that.  
"You got a pen?" Clarke called as Lexa stepped away. She dug in her purse (how she missed her old backpack, practical with two straps and tons of zippered pockets) and found a pen, stepping back to Clarke to hand it to her, tilting her head, unsure what she wanted with it. Clarke laid the guitar in her lap and reached for Lexa's hand. She pulled her closer and twisted the arm into a good position. Clarke started writing.  
"I play weekends at that station, it's close to home and there's all sorts of Bars around. drunks are the most generous people." She grinned wickedly. "You should show up sometime."  
"I might do that. It was nice to meet you Griffin." Lexa dropped a ten dollar bill in the open case by her feet and joined the few dozen others trying to find a seat or handhold on the train. 

~"A million faces, a million names, a million boys but they're all the same. Until I set my eyes on you, yeah. Like a moth into a flame, I just could not look away. There's nothing else for me to do." ~

Clarke started singing as the doors slid closed.  
_'Oddly accurate again.'_ Lexa thought, putting her head in her lap once again, this time to hide a blush, not tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you dig up the past.

She really didn't know why she was doing it. Why she was pulling her old bomber jacket out of the closet and heading back to the subway station at midnight. But there she was, locking the door to her tiny studio apartment on the fifteenth floor and heading down the long flights of stairs. _'Pay out the ass in rent and the super can't get maintenance to fix the damn elevator.'_

Two blocks in the pre autumn chill made her grateful for the humidity and steam in the subway. She found the stop that Clarke had written on her arm (which she'd memorized before showering and scrubbing it off) on the plastic map on the wall and swiped her subway card for the train that would take her there.  
The train pulled up and opened its doors. A few people got off, mostly blue collars, calling it a night before the early shift in the morning, only a couple suits, most likely headed home from a late night at the office occupied by less than professional activities. She knew the type.

~"And I wish that I could make you see. This is where you ought to be. Come down to me." ~

Lexa stumbled onto the train, cursing the gap between metal and the concrete platform, though she knew it was the music. She had not been expecting her to be on the train.  
"I've been riding this train for two hours, 'bout time you showed up." Clarke jabbed as Lexa took a seat opposite of her.  
"And what if I hadn't shown up?" Lexa asked, curious if she'd really been waiting for her.  
"Then I'd have ridden a train for two hours for shit tips and a change of scenery. Not like I have a crowd waiting for me somewhere."  
"So no big loss huh?"  
"Well, you showed. And you don't look like a suit, so it doesn't really matter does it?"  
"So you were counting on it." Lexa allowed her ego a little boost, lifting her brows suggestively for the sake of the tease.  
"So what if I was? You're interesting. You got out of this shit hole." She added the last part quietly.  
_'That's why she gave me her name. She wants off the street.'_ "And you gave me a good tip. I thought I might spend it on a drink." Clarke added quickly, moment of weakness covered up with her normal cocky smile and a raised eyebrow.  
"Are you asking me out?" Lexa tried to not sound like she was choking in surprise.  
"Never said I'd buy you one." Clarke countered. But she put her guitar down in the case at her feet on top of the meager change inside and hopped into the seat next to Lexa.  
"But, if you're interested... Would you like to go for a drink with me, Commander?"  
Lexa was hypnotized for a moment by her sudden closeness. She'd found a shower sometime after this afternoon and a fresh set of clothes, blue stripes on the sleeves of her leather coat accenting her eyes. But then she recognized the name. The name she hadn't given her.  
"How did you..."  
"I mentioned our conversation to one of my guys this evening, and he said the only Street that's gotten herself out and into college was the legendary, Commander. The one that gave him the idea to bring all of us together, then bailed as soon as she got a shot at being better than us." Clarke sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. The accusation was there, but she seemed to be waiting for Lexa's side of the story. Lexa sighed, knowing where Clarke's information had come from.  
"And how is Lincoln? Still bitter?" She asked dryly, all hopes of actually enjoying a drink with a pretty girl gone.  
"Should he not be?"  
"It wasn't like that and he knows it. You want off the street don't you? Wouldn't you take the opportunity if it was given to you? Especially if you worked your ass off for it?" Clarke only nodded thoughtfully. Lexa continued.  
"I was homeless, working two jobs and had twelve crews to look after, and I got myself through high school with a 3.9 GPA. Every cent I earned, and not all of it from a legitimate job, went to applications to colleges and getting scholarships. So yeah, I left. I got the hell out, and you know what? It sucks. Having a bed and a roof and a door that locks, that's all great, but everyone thought I'd turned my back on them, so they shut me out. It's lonely."  
"You didn't make friends in college?" Clarke had always thought that college would be one of those places where you made friends without trying.  
"It's easy to make friends when you're needed. Up there, I'm just another one of them. No one needs just another version of themselves." Lexa said bitterly, rising as the train came to its next stop.  
"Good luck Griffin." She waited at the door, ready to step off when it opened.  
"Commander! Lexa!" Clarke jumped up and grabbed her wrist.  
"Wait. Please." Lexa turned to see blue eyes pleading behind strands of loose golden hair.  
"I was serious about that drink."  
Lexa relaxed, her hands unclenching from the fists they had formed.  
"First round is on me." Clarke added, hoping she hadn't pissed her off too badly. Lincoln had also mentioned her temper.  
"Well if you're buying..." Lexa returned to her seat, knocking Clarke's shoulder gently as she passed.  
"Yes!" The Grounder hissed quietly, resisting the urge to dance. Lexa caught the small victory fist pump and the wide smile though, letting herself smile as well, patting the seat next to her, and looking forward to the rest of her night.  
"Play me a song and the second round is on me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this story, all of Saving Jane's songs are Clarke's original works.


	3. Chapter 3

~"This is when the ink stops flowing, this is when my head starts going, this is when I just can't get it out. This is when the hits keep coming, just when I think I'm over something. This is when the bottom, bottoms out.  
I promise good enough for you but then I never keep it. I pace the floor at night when the fancy world is sleeping, and all the world is sleeping.   
When the lights go down and the girls are screaming, don't stop now and I catch my breath and my heart is beating and all I'm thinking is don't stop now.  
This is when my hands are shaking, this is when the rules are breaking, this is when the music plays too loud. This is when it's now or never, when it goes from bad to better, this is when it all makes sense somehow.  
I promise good enough for you then pray that I can keep it.   
And all the world is watching while I'm open mouthed and dreaming.   
When the lights go down and the girls are screaming, don't stop now and I catch my breath and my heart is beating and all I'm thinking is don't stop now.  
I promise good enough for you then find that I can keep it.   
And all the world is right with me and all we are is breathing.  
This is when the ink starts flowing, this is when my heart is going, this is when my hands belong to you.   
When the lights go down and the girls are screaming don't stop now, and I catch my breath and my heart is beating and all I'm thinking is don't stop now, and we don't stop now.   
So I catch my breath, and I won't stop now."~

The bar wasn't crowded, but every table's occupants were on their feet, making the place seem like a full venue. Lexa stood and clapped along with the rest, smiling, proud. She scolded herself slightly for being attached to a girl she'd just met, for feeling proud of herself for bringing her here to have the spotlight. But she decided to let herself have it, this once at least. Clarke was in her element. She'd taken the stage reluctantly when her name was announced, protesting that she wasn't prepared, and that Lexa shouldn't have signed her up for the open mic without asking. But she took the chair, set her guitar to her shoulder and began playing, bringing the bar to a quiet lull as she joined the chords with her voice. The song picked up as her confidence kicked in and kicked her to her feet. By the final bars she was lost in the music, eyes closed, lips and fingers moving on memory alone, basking in the experience of having an appreciative audience for a change. 

"I'm mad at you." Clarke said through a smile as she rejoined Lexa at their table, putting the guitar away.  
"No you're not. You loved it." Lexa pushed Clarke's drink back to her.  
"Really, that was amazing. You should be playing in places like this, not down in the subway. Some actual talent scouts come by here sometimes, you could have your big break, get out of the underground." Lexa had always thought this way, finding every possible opportunity to get what she wanted, so it was easy to do the same for Clarke. She'd known a few students that had been picked up by labels and publishers at bars like this for music and poetry, and Clarke had miles on them in the way of talent. 

"Not all of us can leave our people, Lexa."Clarke warned, eyes clouding.   
"And no one ever gets what they want if they don't think of themselves first sometimes." Lexa felt an urge to beat the lesson into Clarke like the streets had done to her. She settled for snippy.   
"And you got what you wanted?" Clarke raised an eyebrow pointedly.   
"You know what I wanted?" Lexa asked with a sigh, leaning back in her chair, taking a long sip before continuing.  
"I wanted to go to school and get a job and use that to help my crew, my family. But they think I turned my back on them. They wouldn't let me help them if I tried. So now, now I just want to find something to do with my life that doesn't feel like a joke."   
"So that's a no." Clarke concluded. Lexa frowned.   
"I got what I worked for. I just didn't work hard enough to keep what I already had. You could do it differently. Better than I did."   
"You really think so? You don't even really know me."   
"You've already done what I couldn't for those kids." Lexa returned the raised brow, forcing Clarke to acknowledge her point with a proud incline of her chin. She seemed, to her dismay, unable to be upset with Clarke for long.  
"All I'm saying is I think you could have both." 

Clarke shrugged and took a drink.  
"You're probably right. I am pretty awesome." She grinned as Lexa rolled her eyes.   
"I won't argue." Lexa smiled into her glass, hoping Clarke didn't hear as soon as the words came out of her mouth. It had been a while since she'd drank.  
Clarke laughed, smile taking over her whole face.   
"Wow! Is that a blush?! Was that flirting? Oh my god, pinch me! Tall dark and sullen is trying to flirt!" She teased, grinning wildly as Lexa's cheeks burned bright pink and she hid behind her glass once more.  
"Shut up." Lexa pouted, embarrassed. She put her drink down on the small table between them and stared into it, silently hoping to drown in it until there was a light brush of lips on her cheek. She looked up as Clarke lowered herself back into her seat, her own eyes glued to the table now, wearing a matching blush.  
"It's cute." She murmured. Lexa recovered first, biting her lip to hold her smile back.  
"Is that a blush?" She mimicked, standing and drawing Clarke's eyes to follow her.   
"Don't tease." Lexa stepped closer, placing a single finger on the corner of Clarke's jaw, making her eyes go wide.   
"You started it." She spoke low and quiet and Clarke leaned forward, following the line Lexa's finger traced toward her along her jawline, lifting her chin for a kiss.   
Lexa smirked, lips just inches from Clarke's, and leaned away to reach for her now empty glass.  
"I think we need another round."   
Clarke strangled back a frustrated groan as Lexa turned away with their glasses in one hand. Clarke lunged off her stool to catch Lexa's free hand before she could get too far.  
"I think," She whispered, twining their fingers together and tugging Lexa close so she was speaking into her ear.  
"We should get out of here." She punctuated her sentence with a quick nip at Lexa's earlobe, making her gasp and sink into Clarke's grip.   
_'What just happened?'_ Lexa wondered how they had gone from the verge of a fight to the verge of, what exactly, sex? She wasn't sure, but there was plenty of suggestion in Clarke's voice, not to mention the hot sting she still felt on her earlobe even after Clarke had stepped back.   
"There's, too many people. I'm just getting a bit claustrophobic." Clarke added quickly, seeing Lexa's hesitation as her head cleared. Lexa knew that wasn't the case, but she appreciated the fib for making accepting the offer to leave the bar together feel less like a commitment to something she wasn't sure if she was prepared for.   
"Yeah, you know, a walk sounds good. Fresh air?" Lexa gestured toward the door, returning the grip on her hand before Clarke could drop it.   
"Slow" she whispered the word to herself, but she saw Clarke nod slightly in agreement. 

Lexa liked that about her. There was no awkward apologies, no need to go into embarrassing explanation. Clarke just went with what was given to her, no questions asked. They walked for what seemed like hours, passing old foster homes or squats and pointing them out with some of the stories they held, sharing memories of the scandalous things this park or that ally had seen.  
Somehow they ended back up at the subway station, taking shelter from the cold in the warmth of the underground.   
"So what's the story here?" Lexa asked, as had become a quick habit wherever Clarke dragged her.  
"No story." Clarke answered, scowling as Lexa moved to swipe her subway card, and jumped the turnstile. Lexa shook her head, looked around for witnesses, and followed suit, deciding she could bear to live a little closer to the edge.  
"Yet." Clarke added with a grin, rejoining their hands and pulling Lexa along increasingly disused passageways. Clarke stopped for a moment before a set of rusted double doors that were barely on hinges anymore, much less chained and locked like they had once been. She took a deep breath and pushed one open just enough to slip through and pulled Lexa in behind her, not allowing her to hesitate.   
"Safe to assume we're not catching a train here." Lexa mused, twisting herself to slide through the narrow space between the doors to avoid ripping her clothes on rusted metal.   
"The old AK line. It's been unused for forty odd years, so we moved in. There's two lines below and one that runs parallel to it about a mile over." Clarke put on her best tour guide voice, spinning, arms wide, on the platform.   
"We've got ten platforms, and three working entrances, the rest are either bricked or well locked up and near too much people traffic to be useful. This is the start of the line, most of us don't like to stay too close to the entrances, just in case, but, well..." Clarke walked to one end of the platform where a small operators room was built into the tile wall masked by the same crumbling mosaic as the rest of the walls.   
"I wanted a door that locked." She finished, winking as she pulled a key off of the chain around her neck. fitting it into the door handle and pushing the door open.  
"How did you-?"Lexa trailed off as she stepped inside, and barely heard Clarke's explanation. Something about rich people and the doorknobs matching the drapes, or the cat, Lexa wasn't paying attention.  
The walls were covered floor to ceiling in old newsprint and as many blank magazine pages as possible. The room had become a giant canvas, lines of text serving as staves for the notes of Clarke's songs written in red sharpie, her drawings on every margin and blank space.   
"This is, amazing. Clarke. You live here?" Lexa was still awed, tracing lines of notes and the strokes of pen and paintbrush on this drawing or that one, as Clarke entered her room and sat on the bed in the corner to watch her. The mattress was good, new even, though supported on a collection of plastic crates. "rescued from a furniture store reject pile" Clarke told Lexa as she joined her.  
"It's not much, but it's home."  
"I think I like it better than my place. It's about the same size." Lexa laughed, testing the mattress before laying back on it. Clarke had to resist tracing the line of her hip as her shirt rose up slightly to reveal it.   
"You're welcome to stay."   
It was quiet, and Clarke knew she probably shouldn't have said it, but she turned, and leaned over Lexa, searching her face. All she found despite her concern was a small smile hiding in pinched lips and dancing green eyes echoing the smile back up at her.   
"You said that door locks?" Lexa asked coyly, rising up on one elbow, looking not at the door in question, but at Clarke. She tried to keep her eyes from wandering to the other girl's lips, and forbid them to range any lower than that, but she was sure Clarke had caught the few times she slipped.   
"It does. And it is." Clarke chewed her lip, nervous only in anticipation. She knew the unspoken limit to 'slow' meant that the door really didn't need to be locked, that nothing would go that far. But this girl, a legend among her underground family, was here, in her private place and she wanted to kiss her.   
"Good" Lexa tugged Clarke down to her by her shirt collar, catching her lips gently and closing her eyes to savor the kiss. 

-

Later, lips bruised and tingling, Lexa dozed, Clarke humming a tune by her side, a shabby but cozy blanket pulled up over them.  
"Sing me a song, Clarke?" Lexa asked, mumbling sleepily. Clarke smiled and placed another kiss on her temple, adding to the hundreds she was sure she'd left on Lexa's lips and cheeks and forehead already.

~"They kicked me out of the parade, guess I had too much to say  
I couldn't bend to fit myself inside the lines and I have wasted too much time just tryin'  
Those pretty boys and pretty girls, live in their pretty plastic world  
They're so convinced that everything is black and white, that we are wrong and they are right, they always told us not to fight, kept us grounded when we should be flying.  
Don't be afraid to fall, you know the ground is never too far from the sky  
And they can have their walls, the universe has bigger plans for you and I  
So baby hold up your head, don't ever let 'em see you cry  
I know you're caught up in the show, and it's so hard to let it go  
To lose the mask you've always hid yourself behind, to live a life of your design, to say what's really on your mind, to come out of the dark and shine  
Don't be afraid to fall, you know the ground is never too far from the sky  
And they can have their walls, the universe has bigger plans for you and I  
So baby hold up your head, don't ever let 'em see you cry  
If you could only see that there is so much more to life than this  
That everything you are is beautiful  
You are everything there is  
Don't be afraid to fall, you know the ground is never too far from the sky  
And we don't need their walls, the universe has bigger plans for you and I  
So baby hold up your head, don't ever let 'em see you cry  
So baby hold up your head, don't ever let 'em see you cry"~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all Folks!  
> Please tell me what you thought!   
> I kinda like this AU, would anyone be interested in more of it?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I'm going to keep writing this.... :p

Early morning light spread through the room waking Lexa to the sound of soft humming and a pen scratching on paper. The noise told her the bed would be empty, but she dragged an arm across the space Clarke had been, hoping she would be sitting there.   
"In the kitchen, Lexa. " Clarke chuckled from the counter and Lexa followed the sound, rolling over to face what passed for her kitchen, before opening her eyes. She smiled sleepily as Clarke came into focus, leaning over the counter, red pen scratching notes onto the morning newspaper.

"Is that my newspaper?" Lexa pushed herself up and hung her legs over the edge of the bed, pulling her hair tame.   
"Yes." Clarke looked sheepish but stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth when Lexa scowled.   
"I have notebook paper you know."  
"I'm used to newspaper."  
"I was going to read that." Lexa moved into the kitchen, pouring herself a coffee from the pot Clarke had started.   
"I left you the business section." Clarke grinned as Lexa leaned her head on her shoulder, taking the stool next to her.   
"Ha. Ha. That's my degree, not my only interest." Clarke slid a small stack of folded pages at her.  
"The fights didn't look too good last night, but I saved you Sports 'cuz I didn't know where your money was. And the classifieds. I'm burning Fashion though, because you are never going back to that shithole."   
"I got fired, I thought that was a given. What are you writing?" Lexa flattened her papers then leaned over to look at Clarke's. She folded her page quickly batting Lexa's hand away when she tried to stop her.   
"It's not done."   
"Will you sing it for me?"  
"Maybe." Clarke planted a small kiss on Lexa's cheek and folded her page into her back pocket.

"I should go. Lincoln and Bell will worry if they keep showing up to find my place empty."   
"Yeah, yeah, go on with your double life. Give my letter to Octavia though yeah?"   
"Lexa. You wanted to stay out of that part of my life remember? Trying to stay on the straight and narrow right? Off the streets, out of the tunnels." Clarke's voice grew bitter. Lexa sighed.  
"In a few weeks it's not going to matter anyway. If I can't find a job, I can't make rent, and I'm back to square one but with a degree, and no family."   
Clarke stepped back from the door, turning in confusion.   
"You never said it was that bad. Why are you gambling if you're that close to losing your apartment Lexa?"   
"We've known each other for a week Clarke, I didn't think my money troubles were really something to put on you at this point. And I only make bets I know I'll win. It's the only way I can make enough to eat right now. If black eyes and broken noses didn't look bad at interviews I'd be back in the ring myself, but I'm out of shape and out of practice and I'd only get killed, so I have to hope one of these stupid corporate dollhouses call me back and come with a signing bonus." Lexa laid her head on the counter until she heard the protest of her bed springs as Clarke sat, beckoning her to her side. 

"Ok, so it's bleak. It sucks. But you're wrong about not having a family you know. And you could get back on your feet and find a new place, it doesn't have to be permanent." Clarke said diplomatically, trying to remain positive.   
"You know Lincoln wouldn't let me back-" Lexa trudged back over, her coffee abandoned with her smile and idea of having a good day.  
"Lincoln isn't in charge." She was cut off. "I am. And I have Bellamy and Octavia to back me up. If you have to come back down to the ground, we've got your back. I've got your back." Clarke wrapped an arm behind Lexa's shoulders, guiding her head back to her shoulder and stroking her hair behind her ear.  
"And hey, you could be the tie breaker on our council. I mean, it's not 'Commander', but one fifth of the leadership is better than nothing right?"

Lexa smiled with a small laugh but remained otherwise silent for a few minutes. When she spoke it was quiet, reverent, like she wasn't sure she should ask.  
"Do you think there's just a path were all supposed to follow? Like destiny or fate?"   
"What like was all of this planned from the beginning?"  
"Yeah, that sounds pretty stupid. But I don't know. My whole life has seemed pretty much out of my control. When I do something to change it, I always get pulled back to the same thing."  
"How do you mean?"  
"Before I ran away, I was trying to convince O that it was a bad idea, but our foster father forced my hand and I had to run. I got myself into college, got a job, and then I lost my temper and got myself fired. That same day, I meet you, the new leader of my old crew. And now, you're sitting here offering me a chance to lead again. You can't tell me that doesn't sound like something I'm supposed to do. It's like the universe is screaming at me, like it's pissed I tried to do something for myself."  
"I think the universe is telling you to be happy." Lexa raised her head, frowning skeptically.  
"You said you missed it. That you'd rather be in my position than what you're in. You said that when we met, remember? You're worried about coming back and having no family, but you've got no family now. Leaving your foster home made you free. Taking care of your crew, that made you happy. Did college and playing at being Barbie for a paycheck make you happy? Does fifteen flights of stairs and a lock on your door make you happy? Lexa, when was the last time you actually enjoyed yourself?" Clarke squared her shoulders, as serious as Lexa had ever seen her.

"Is that a trick question? Because, last night was pretty fun." Lexa smirked, but she knew Clarke was right. The last week was really the only time in the last six years she'd felt like herself.   
"LEXA!" Clarke shoved her onto her back on the bed, grinning under her shocked expression.   
"Ok, ok!" Lexa fended off tickling fingers, locking her own with Clarke's when she managed to get hold of them.   
"The fifteen flights of stairs does suck."   
Clarke rolled her eyes.   
"You're never going to get the whole performance at the rate you're going Commander."  
"I don't mind taking my time." She stretched her arms over her head, forcing Clarke down to lay against her chest.   
"Smooth." Clarke shook her head slightly before being drawn in by coffee flavored lips.  
"That's why you're still here isn't it?" Lexa smiled, drawing her hands down from Clarke's wrists to her waist. She pulled away and sat up suddenly, waving a folded square of newspaper triumphantly.  
"You cheat! It's not done! Give it back!" Clarke lunged for her song, laughing as she crashed back into Lexa, throwing both of them to the floor, and suddenly the paper was forgotten in favor of more kisses.


	5. Chapter 5

~"Baby I don't have much but I've got more than enough to keep you. Isn't it nice to touch something solid you can cling to? Baby I promise you this, you-"

"I knew it!" Octavia jumped up onto the platform eyes as wide as her smile.   
"You've been seeing someone! That's why you're never home! Leaving me to take care of the boys all by myself, and you don't even dish! Rude Griff."  
Clarke sighed and folded her page again.  
"Where do you get these crazy ideas Octavia?"  
"Please." The younger girl rolled her eyes and joined her leader on the bench outside her door.  
"You've been sleeping somewhere other than your room, you're actually smiling when we do see you, you haven't been out performing in your usual spots and now, you're writing love songs." She crossed her arms over her chest, daring Griffin to argue. 

"I slept here! Ok I have been meaning to tell you I met someone. I just didn't really know how to bring it up?" Clarke reached for her backpack, digging for the letter she was supposed to deliver.  
"What's with the secrecy?" Octavia was intrigued. Griffin was never the type to gush, but as long as Octavia had known her, she'd never kept secrets.  
"It's just a, we'll say, sensitive issue. Particularly for Lincoln. And you."  
"What the hell woman? Are you dating a social worker or something? My old foster dad? Gang leader? What's the big deal?"   
"Read this." Clarke sighed, slapping the envelope into Octavia's palm.   
"You wrote me a letter?"  
"Does that look like my handwriting? Just read it." Clarke rolled her eyes. _'where would I get stationary and an envelope anyway, idiot.'_ She added in her mind, watching intently as Octavia scanned the letter, then went back to read it thoroughly when she realized who had penned it.   
"Lexa..." She murmured, reading it for a third time. It wasn't long, but somehow she couldn't process all of the information contained on the page.

"Octavia,  
I didn't want to tell you this by letter, actually I don't want to have to tell you this at all but leaving was a mistake and now I can't tell you in person.it turns out I'm not really cut out for the real world. Not the kind I went looking for anyway. I tried to come back and find you, but you had moved to the tunnels by then. I found Lincoln and he told me to leave, I'm sure he never told you. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find you. I'm so proud of you O. And I'm so happy you found Bellamy. I understand if you don't want to see me, but if you would like, Griffin can bring you to my apartment, or I could come meet you somewhere. I miss you little sister.  
Lexa."

Octavia read aloud on her fourth pass of the letter, then stared at Griffin in disbelief.  
"You. Are. Shitting. Me."   
"She really does miss you."  
"Well no shit. But you expect me to believe that you just happened to meet and start dating my foster sister?"  
"God's honest truth. I had no idea who she was when we met." Griffin held her hands up in surrender.   
"And we aren't dating. I think. We aren't even sleeping together. Except for actual sleeping."   
Octavia's face somehow managed to show disgust, confusion and that blank look of 'just plain stumped' all at once and her mentor had to marvel at the talent.   
"Huh." Was all she could manage, knowing neither of them to be the type to wait for a second date. 

Griffin rolled her eyes.  
"Do you want to see her?"  
"Of course I do! But first, I'm going to go beat the shit out of Lincoln for letting me believe she'd skipped town on us." Octavia jumped up, heading to the edge of Griffin's platform. She turned to give a final warning.   
"Oh, if you hurt her Griff... You're getting a beating as well." She jumped down to the rails and Griffin had to stand to see her below the edge.  
"What if she hurts me?"  
"She will get a stern talking to." Octavia nodded, starting off in the direction of the main group's camp.  
"Gee thanks. She says she's out of practice, you could probably take her!" Griffin called at her back. Octavia's head and shoulders appeared over the edge of the platform a few yards away.  
"Unless she wrote me this letter with her feet because both arms were amputated at the shoulders, I'm not going to risk it." And she was gone.   
_'Yep. Lexa raised that one.'_

-

"You're back."  
"Can't keep me away. Uggh! What have you been doing?" Clarke stepped into the doorway, wrapping her arms around Lexa's shoulders, jumping back when she found her shirt soaked and her skin sweat sticky.  
"Gotta be back in fighting shape if I'm losing my cushy life." Clarke frowned at the sarcasm, wandering to the kitchen, hoping it was in fact Lexa's habit to make three pots of coffee through the day. It was. 

"You're kinda a pessimist, has anyone told you that?"  
"I think someone's mentioned it before."  
"Get cleaned up. Octavia wants to see you."  
"Seriously?" Lexa leaned against the door, processing what that really meant. Her little sister didn't hate her, if nothing else went right today, she had that small victory.

"Yeah seriously. She's giving Lincoln the smack down right now for not letting you see her." Clarke rolled her eyes. Octavia and Lincoln had been at each others throats for almost two years and this wasn't going to make it any prettier. Raven kept telling her it was sexual tension, but Clarke refused to acknowledge the thought, a five year age difference wasn't that big of a deal, but it still weirded her out. 

"That's my girl." Lexa said proudly, grabbing a change of clothes from the closet and heading to the bathroom.  
"You know what I'm going to miss? Running water." She stuck her head around the corner as the shower water heated up.  
"You talk like it's a sure thing that you're going to end up back in the tunnels." Clarke looks at her, disapproval painting her face.

"Is it bad that I kind of want it to be?"   
She'd never taken Lexa to be the sheepish type, and she knew she wasn't a quitter, so Clarke had to double take.  
"That sounds a lot like giving up Lexa." She managed to say, though it came out as concern rather than a reprimand like she had intended.   
"Is giving up on something that continually makes you unhappy and isolated a bad thing, Clarke?" Lexa stepped into the shower, leaving Clarke to ponder that from the kitchen, resisting the urge to peek around the corner to the mirror that would show her the woman in the shower. 

"I thought about what you said yesterday morning. Isn't it better to go back to something I'm good at, where I'm actually appreciated?" Lexa continued as she shut the water off.   
"What happened to having both?" Clarke asked the ceiling where she'd glued her wandering eyes, remembering the conversation they'd had at the bar the night they'd met.   
"I said you could have both. I can't. I can't think of my people and myself at the same time."  
Lexa reappeared in old jeans and a green T-shirt, still wet hair tied up in a quick bun.   
"You really think that?"  
"It's a hypothesis, but six years of testing is leaning toward that outcome pretty heavily." It was snarky, but Clarke could tell she believed it.   
"I don't buy it." 

"Clarke, I'm tired. I'm tired of being lonely, being miserable, pretending to be something, someone, that I'm not. Maybe eventually I can try this upperworld shit again, but I need to rest. I need my old life back. At least some of it, something familiar." Lexa collapsed onto her bed and Clarke saw what she meant. She'd noticed the worry lines on her forehead and the dark circles under her eyes before, but had never really understood. 

"Okay."  
"Okay?"  
"I get it." Clarke came to sit near Lexa, gripping her hand as she sat. Lexa tugged her down beside her until they were laying side by side, feet hanging off of the bed.   
"Thank you."   
Clarke propped herself up on an elbow to face Lexa, leaning over her to meet her eyes.   
"Don't worry about it, okay?" She laid her free hand gently in the center of Lexa's chest, dipping her chin for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little less cute, sorry.   
> Comments get you chapters faster! :D  
> I live off your feedback. :p


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. You may have noticed I changed the rating... I've kinda thrown out my old plan of having anything rated PG 13 because I needed to experiment with this set of Character traits in comparason to my other AU.  
> As usual though, don't expect this to be something that happens with every chapter.  
> Hope you enjoy.

"What is that?" Clarke pulled Octavia's hood down to see the red mark on her neck.  
"I got in a fight remember?" The younger girl covered weakly, forcing her normally cocky smile.  
"With Lincoln's mouth?! That's a hickey!"  
As embarrassing as it was to be caught, the memory of obtaining the mark in question, and the many others that her mentor couldn't see, brought her real smile back and she wiggled her brows suggestively, confirming Clarke's accusation.

"Oh god. Thanks. Thank you for that. Now I need a lobotomy and I owe Raven twenty bucks." The older girl threw her hands up in disgust, turning away from her friend and rolling her eyes as she completed a tight circle.  
"You were betting? Nice."  
"Just cover that up will you? Lexa will have a heart attack." Clarke rubbed some grease off the rail at their feet and smeared it onto Octavia's neck, starting a new collection of grime on her recently washed partner.  
"I'll bury you together. Prudes." Octavia squirmed away, sticking her tongue out.  
"I just have better taste."  
"Right. The woman that raised me. You know she used to date a prostitute, right?" Clarke's brows shot up in momentary shock.

"Octavia Blake! What have I told you about keeping other people's business to yourself?" A sharp voice echoed across the Roost and Lexa appeared, sliding through the broken doors and coming to the edge of the broken concrete to look down at the pair of Grounders.  
"Other people's business _is_ my business, though! Cold hard cash for everyone else's dirt!" Octavia beamed at her long lost sister, but her pride wouldn't let her cave without an argument.  
"And is Griffin paying you for my dirt?" The Commander was back, all arched eyebrows and disapproving stares.  
"No." Octavia backed down, scuffing the dirt with a sneaker. Lexa jumped down to the rails, shaking her head with a small smile.  
"Didn't think so. Com'ere kid." She held her arms out and Octavia rushed to fill them. Lexa grinned, mouthing a 'sorry' over her sister's shoulder at Clarke, who was still contemplating the new information on Lexa's dating history. She decided to let it go, shrugging. 

"So are you finally coming home?" Octavia asked excitedly, pulling away from her sister.  
"Looks that way. The real world kinda sucks " Lexa laughed.  
"Lexa," Octavia adopted a serious tone, Lexa didn't recognize. "This is the real world. All that shit up there is the make believe."  
"I think I told you to stop growing up. You didn't listen." If sadness and pride had a shared face, it was Lexa's when she looked at the woman who used to be her shadow.  
"Has she ever listened? I always thought she was just incapable of it." Clarke joined the conversation again, moving to stand nearer to the other two women.  
"You're right actually. I mean, I think maybe when she was eight she might have listened once. But I couldn't tell you for sure." Lexa earned a scowl.  
"Neither of you are funny."  
"Eh." Clarke shrugged noncommittally and Lexa laughed. 

"Griffin! Octavia!" A young man, that Lexa realized could only be Octavia's brother, jogged out of the darkness of the tunnel. He stopped short, stepping forward cautiously as he noticed their company.  
"Who's this? Are we bringing in another crew?" Bellamy asked. Clarke had been known to talk to new crews leaders alone before involving the others, so it wasn't a stretch.  
"Actually, it was my crew to begin with, but..." Lexa waited for him to figure it out. Clarke rolled her eyes.  
"Bellamy, Commander. Commander, Bellamy." She made the introduction, sure to use Lexa's street name to make it clear who she was, even though she knew Bellamy would recognize the name Lexa. He would need to see her as a leader if she returned to their lifestyle, and the name carried that power.  
"Octavia's foster sister." Bellamy concluded, stunned for a moment.  
"Lincoln said you-"  
"Lincoln holds a grudge like my grandmother. Except she had alzheimers and would have forgotten by now. I went to college, it's not like I joined a cult." Lexa sighed. She suspected that she would be dispelling Lincoln's rumors for a long time. 

"All that matters in my book is that you took care of my sister. It's great to finally meet you." The older Blake held out an arm and Lexa gripped it in a street's shake.  
"I did my best."  
"Thank you Commander, really."  
"It's just Lexa now, please. It's the name O gave me as a kid, I don't think I really live up to 'Commander' anymore." She shook her head again, unused to hearing her old name.  
"Whatever you say. Welcome back." 

-

"Well, we can surf the mattress down the stairs, or I can give the elevator a shot." Raven stood in the apartment's doorway, eyeing the one problematic piece in the plan of moving Lexa's meager belongings.  
"You can fix the elevator?" Lexa was skeptical. She knew her old friend was industrious, but she'd learned what she knew in a chopshop, elevators weren't exactly on the same level as cars.  
"I can fix anything Boss." Raven smirked, taking that as her cue to head to the roof for the operation box. 

"She wired the whole line back onto the main power grid, she's kinda unstoppable." Clarke laughed, scavenging in the kitchen for things that would still be useful in the tunnels, sorting everything else into a donation box.  
"As long as she breaks it again when we're done here, she can put the thing on rockets for all I care." Lexa mused, stacking the crates that had been her dresser into an easier to carry stack.  
"So negative, all the time." Clarke teased, chucking a ball of packing paper across the room at Lexa's head.  
"And you're not very nice!" Lexa laughed, returning the projectile.  
Clarke ducked, and left her task behind to wrap her arms around Lexa in way of apology.  
"Better?" She asked, leaning her forehead against the taller woman's shoulder.  
"It'll do." She chuckled into blonde hair, returning the embrace. "For now." She added quietly, startling Clarke with the insinuation and errant fingers at the waistband of her pants. 

Clarke pulled away suddenly, making her way quickly to the door, and Lexa's stomach dropped.  
"Clarke. I-" she tried to backtrack, apologize for being so forward, anything.  
"Shhhh." Clarke shut the door, clicking the bolt and chain into place and stepped back to Lexa in a quick movement, silencing her with a finger to her lips.  
"Oh." She breathed in the space between the pressure of Clarke's finger and the press of her lips. 

Any other thought was lost as Clarke undid the button of her jeans and then her own, stepping in close to press her leg firmly between Lexa's. Whatever strength Lexa had was gone in an instant, and she relinquished all control to Clarke. She gasped as she was pushed to the bed, feeling the wetness between her legs spread at the absence of Clarke's thigh pressing there. She lifted her hips from the bed as Clarke slid her pants and underwear down and dropped them unceremoniously at her feet, dropping her own only halfway before kneeling over now desperate lover. Clarke held herself over Lexa's body, pulling her shirt up as she slid a hand up her stomach, exploring her lips as though they weren't already familiar to her. 

Lexa was hers. Hers to control in this moment, hers to pleasure and worship and bring over the edge screaming her name. And every moment that had led to this point, every frustration and all of her pent up desire from the moment they'd met, flooded her now.  
She pulled at Lexa's knee, bringing it up under her to have something to grind against, a low growling moan escaping her throat at the delicious pressure the contact created. Lexa whimpered, feeling Clarke's arousal drip down her leg as her hips moved, her own empty ache and the taste of Clarke's lips and tongue driving her crazy. 

The sound was enough to urge Clarke on, past any thought of foreplay. She pushed Lexa's other leg further away and slid her hand into the wetness that waited at her center, coating her fingers to the knuckles as she explored.  
"Please." Lexa whispered, rocking her hips forward, begging with her eyes, fixing her gaze to Clarke's flushed cheeks and determined stare. 

Two fingers found their mark and Clarke put the weight of her leg behind her thrusts. Lexa arched into the pleasure as Clarke's fingers curled, stroking her sensitivity. Clarke sat back to watch as Lexa lost herself to her ministrations, pressing her other hand gently against the dip between the other woman's hips, above the neat patch of hair there. Lexa's gasping scream as she rocked over the edge was probably heard through the building and the only clear thought that came through the fog of ecstasy in Clarke's mind was that she was glad they weren't in the tunnels. 

When her lovers muscles relaxed and she collapsed back into the bed, catching her breath, Clarke rolled away and lay next to her, attending to her own needs quickly and silently. Lexa watched, eyes hungry under heavy lids as Clarke shuddered out her climax, lower lip caught between her teeth, legs shaking as nerves tensed. When she was sure she had finished Lexa pulled Clarke's hand to her lips, sucking each finger clean, holding her wide eyed stare with a smirk. 

"Holy shit." Clarke sighed as her voice returned and her mind cleared.  
"Yeah." Lexa agreed with a small huffing laugh. "We should have done that a long time ago."  
Clarke laughed, pulling herself back to Lexa, laying against her contentedly. 

"Mazeltov. Now put your clothes on and open the damn door! Horndogs!" Raven's voice on the other side of the door turned both of their faces bright red and they scrambled for their discarded pants, the spell of the moment broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's why the rating got bumped up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's internal soundtrack is a mix of Saving Jane and Echosmith. Lexa's is more along the lines of Seether and Bastille (very different bands, but similar tones to the narratives of many of their songs)

She'd taken the tour and explored the line on her own to try to find her own place to settle in, not wanting to share the old train cars with the children, and this was the one. When Raven and Bellamy helped her deposits her things on the tracks below the platform, she didn't dare admit that part of the reason she chose the old turn around loop was its proximity to Clarke's platform. The old maintenance platform had many other great qualities of course, and was unused by the rest of the Grounders. Lexa's favorite detail, her real main reason for choosing to make this place her home, a hidden storage room in the inner wall that no one seemed to know was there. When her things were resting on the rails and she was left alone in her new space, she picked the lock to discover what treasures the old station had in store for her. The lock took a few more tries than she would have liked, but she blamed the lack of practice for that. 

The inner wall of the loop station was essentially a giant hollow brick pillar, the supply and storage room set inside was simple concrete floor and brick wall with steel supports to hold the world above off of her head, and it was perfect. Old tools, rolls of cable and wire, plastic sheeting and insulation and even a few replacement seats for the old train, sat along one wall. Another wall held cabinets and shelves full of spare parts and bottles of cleaning supplies, paint and rags and boxes of bolts. 

"No fucking way." She murmured quietly as she took in all the dusty, undisturbed relics and her eyes settled on the most miraculous part, a sink and small bathroom closet. The water ran, muddy and clogged at first, but clear and cool after the pipes had been flushed and Lexa nearly cried in relief. 

Her first order of business was to grab a can of spraypaint and make the place hers.  
"Greenwood Loop" she named the station in looping lines of neon, embracing the Grounders use of her surname as they had with Griffin. 

-

"You know," Clarke's voice echoed through the loop with the rustle of the plastic sheeting Lexa had bolted to the ceiling as a curtain.  
"This is not something I expected to see after the, uh... show, the other day. Lexa stopped and looked down from the platform at the blonde on the rails, leaning on the now foam and plastic wrapped pillar she had been using as a punching bag to hold herself up as her knees went weak again from the sight of her. She gathered herself quickly and resumed her workout, plastering a smirk on her lips, knowing, feeling, Clarke's unabashed stare. She might be unable to maintain her composure in the moment and be putty in Clarke's hands, but she wouldn't let her believe that she wasn't also strong. 

"I am a well of mystery my dear." Lexa teased haughtily, landing two more swift punched and a high front kick to her makeshift bag before relaxing and leaning to offer a gloved hand to Clarke. The other woman gripped her arm and hauled herself up, bracing herself against Lexa's muscled shoulders as she stumbled.  
"You're definitely full of surprises." Clarke muttered, stepping back in embarrassment as she righted herself. 

"You knew I was a fighter Clarke, this shouldn't be a surprise." Lexa chuckled, taking a deep breath to keep her easy playful demeanor as she felt Clarke's eyes trailing slowly, hungrily over her exposed ribs, stomach and legs in her sports bra and running shorts. The part of her that had forced her out of her secret room to train scolded the other, the weak part of her. The part that didn't want to be strong or lead, the part that trembled under this beautiful wild woman's eyes and came completely undone under her touch. That part, though weak near Clarke, was becoming stronger than the other. Her desire over her will. 

"I guess I just wasn't prepared for this sexy ninja thing you've got going on" Clarke blushed as she caught Lexa watching her. She couldn't help the full belly laugh that pushed its way from her lips, witnessing Clarke as unhinged as she had been under her hands. Even blushing and embarrassed, Clarke stood strong, defiant and willful to the last nerve in her body. Clarke's desire seemed to manifest as a wild unstoppable force, where Lexa's came in the form of a trembling beggar, screaming to obtain some measure of relief. 

Somewhere in the past weeks, Lexa had decided that she couldn't get too deeply involved with Clarke. The moment her final paycheck came in, putting her desperately below the total for the month's rent, was the final decider, forcing her to give up on the idea of pursuing Clarke as a romance. She knew there was no chance for them together in the tunnels, whether she helped to lead or not. There were simply too many variables. She couldn't help herself from continuing the game they had been playing, dancing around each other with touches and innuendos and comforting arms around each other in the dark, but now the game had jumped to the next level. 

Her tease in her apartment had been just that, a tease, never meant to go further than the none too innocent kisses they had shared before. But Clarke decided otherwise, and how could she say no? Desire and want and passion took over. Clarke took over. And with that, Lexa was lost. Every minute since had been spent either dwelling on and replaying the few, too short, minutes alone on the fifteenth floor and forcing those same thoughts away. 

Every blow to the covered pillar forced frustration out of her heart and into her fist, into the foam and concrete below. But then her blue and gold muse returned, teasing and dragging up memories of the most freeing moment of her life and her will was forced away again. 

"Clarke," She sat, hanging her legs over the ledge toward the rails. All her humor gone now, the war in her mind claiming it as a casualty.  
"What are we doing?" Lexa's voice dropped to a near whisper, afraid of where this conversation would go, but forcing herself to start it.  
Clarke dropped down next to her, concern and confusion painting her face as she tilted her head to study the other woman.  
"I kinda thought we were starting something." She answered, tone defensive, realizing now that maybe Lexa wasn't on the same page.  
"What's going on Lexa? You're not just up here training for a fight are you?" The pieces started to fit. Lexa had been avoiding her, not actively per say, but she hadn't left the loop since the evening after she left the apartment behind for good, since they crossed the line they'd been dancing over for weeks.  
"We can't." Lexa sighed, staring at the rocks and dirt below, careful to avoid looking at her companion. Clarke wouldn't have it. 

Feet slammed into the dust and she stormed into Lexa's eyeline, inches away from her face, standing tall between her hanging feet, Clarke let into her with a ferocity that echoed that of her mythical namesake.  
"And what the hell is your reasoning for that?! I'm fairly certain you wanted something out of this, wanted me. And now we can't? You got what you wanted and now you're done?" 

"No!" Lexa yelled back, stopping Clarke's voice from rising any higher.  
"Fuck, Clarke! It's not... I can't do both remember! I can't!" She was sure the whole AK could hear them now, screaming at each other in rage and pain.  
"I do, I did, want... Something." She lowered her voice again now that Clarke was listening.  
"But everything now is different than when we started. I can't put my life together when you..." The end of her sentence was lost in a whisper as she quieted further. 

"When I what?" Clarke echoed the last of what she'd heard and Lexa looked up at her finally. Green eyes, heavy with unfallen tears of frustration and hurt met a wall of ice as she held Clarke's gaze.  
"When you pull me so completely apart." She repeated, clearer now but still too soft to reach further than Clarke's ears. 

In one sentence, Clarke was destroyed. Her anger left in a gust, deflating her until all she had left was clarity. One sentence had never been so beautiful and so utterly heart wrenching at the same time. Lexa had felt what Clarke had, and this sentence was confirmation of that fact, proof that she felt something more for her than a simple attraction. In Clarke's mind that was proof of the necessity of taking the next step, but for Lexa, it meant being out of control in an already uncontrollable situation. It was fear. 

"You're so full of shit Greenwood." Clarke muttered, holding her gaze with softer eyes now. All of her malice and accusations were gone, leaving her tone light and almost playful as she said it. She slid her palms quickly up Lexa's thighs and gripped her hips, tugging her suddenly off of the platform to the rails.  
Lexa stumbled as her feet hit the ground, nearly falling into Clarke, whose arms were still around her waist. She was met with a crash of lips that she could not resist despite her shock.

The war subsided, and Lexa let herself fall into the kiss with little protest. It seemed so simple, in Clarke's arms, so easy and so right. Clarke kept the pace, kept the kiss innocent but insistent, trying to communicate as much as she could without words. She pulled back, just moving her head back enough to hold Lexa's eyes again.  
"You still don't get that this _is_ your life, Lexa. You won't have anything left to put back together if you keep throwing everything away." She stepped back, moving her hands to tug at Lexa's fingers until she let them twist into hers. 

"You asked it the universe has a plan for us. It does. The universe has bigger plans for you and I." Lexa recognized the words. Words that had greeted her on a subway platform that she shouldn't have been on, words that were sung into her ear in Clarke's private space. Maybe Clarke was right, maybe this was what the universe wanted for her, maybe she had been missing the signs from the beginning. Fighting everything the way she always had, thinking she wasn't capable or wasn't deserving of having something as good as Clarke.  
"You're quoting yourself." Lexa observed, too derailed to fight or argue.  
"Maybe I knew I would need that line when I wrote it." Clarke let herself smile, seeing the struggle behind Lexa's eyes slip away.  
"That's very meta."  
"I am a well of mystery my dear." Clarke quoted, earning a real laugh at last. 

"I know you're scared Lexa, I am too, this is new territory, but I'm not going to let that stop me. You're the only one who can do that. Please, don't stop me. Please?" Clarke gripped Lexa's hand harder as she quieted again, finishing what she had started, hopefully closing the subject for good.  
Lexa returned the grip with one hand, pulling the other away to wipe away a tear that Clarke hadn't felt fall from her cheek, resting it there as she nodded once with a gentle smile.  
"Good." Clarke smiled, leaning forward on her toes to kiss Lexa's cheek before turning to leave.  
"Meet me at the Roost ok? I want to share something with you." 

"Clarke?" Lexa called as she walked away.  
"Yeah?"  
"Thank you. For sorting me out." Lexa smiled softly, turning to the Loop's hidden room.  
"Any time." Clarke said from the other side of the plastic, too quietly to be heard. 

-

The Griffin's Roost, the Grounders affectionate nickname for platform number one, Clarke's platform, was echoing a quiet rhythm of acoustic guitar as Lexa came down the track from the Loop. She hauled herself up and followed the sound through Clarke's open door in the control room, finding her sitting at the corner of her bed, strumming intently, memorizing the chords she had penned on the scrap of newsprint at her feet. 

"Hey." Lexa sat at the opposite corner, quietly, reverently. Clarke only smiled at her and moved her fingers to a new position on the strings. She started to sing.

~"I hope you don’t mind me saying,I think you’re so lovely. I hope you don’t mind me staying, Cause I might never leave. We could rewind to nothing, start at the beginning, don’t forget to breathe  
Baby, I don’t have much, but I’ve got more than enough to keep you. Isn’t it nice to touch, something solid you can cling to?  
Baby, I promise you this, you don’t know just what you’re missing. I’ve got everything I wanted, so maybe we could sleep on it tonight.  
I didn’t mean to alarm you, subtlety’s my weakness. Give me a minute to charm you, and you’ll know what I mean. Maybe I didn’t mention, you won’t regret my attention, I’ve got tricks you’ve never seen.  
Baby, I don’t have much, but I’ve got more than enough to keep you. Isn’t it nice to touch, something solid you can cling to?  
Baby, I promise you this, you don’t know just what you’re missing. I’ve got everything I wanted, so maybe we could sleep on it tonight.  
Now that it’s all out on the table, come and get it.You better love me while you’re able.  
Baby, I don’t have much, but I’ve got more than enough to keep you. Isn’t it nice to touch, something solid you can cling to?  
Baby, I promise you this, you don’t know just what you’re missing. I’ve got everything I wanted, so maybe we could sleep on it tonight."~ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleep on it by Saving Jane
> 
> I write these chapters to a pretty specific soundtrack for both of them, so if it feels like it jumps around, its because of the dramatic differences in both girls personal soundtracks on shuffle.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these idiots.

"Ladies, gentlemen and sewer alligators!" The atrium fell silent with a quick collective laugh and all eyes turned to the makeshift ring in the center of the room.  
"Tonight we have something special for you. Tonight is Knockout! And unlike any other Knockout night, tonight is GRUDGEMATCH!" Raven was good at riling a crowd up and this was no exception. 

Her underground club was had become a local legend, it's hidden entrance a well kept secret and it's parties hailed as the best in town. Restless twenty somethings with too much pocket change and a thrill seeking itch filled the old atrium on weekends, and Raven entertained the crowd from stolen and repaired electronics systems she had cobbled together. Twice a week she hosted what had become known as the Knockout. It had started as a way for those of the Grounders who made their money in the ring to train for whatever more legal fights they were entering in, but quickly grew into a favorite spectacle of the crowd. 

The ex-con was in her element in this place. And though the leaders had forbid her from slipping back into dealing, especially at the place the gang made most of their income, she was always willing to take a bet. They all knew the drugs were coming in and out of the place nightly, but no one wanted to see Raven go back to prison, so Bellamy kept a close eye on most of the transactions. Most of the known pushers were even willing to give him a cut for using the venue and the club's gathered patrons. Raven was content to fiddle with her switchboard and turntables, feeding off the crowd's energy and enthusiasm the way only someone in complete control of it could. 

"Alright, I know you're wondering what could be worth the extra dollar you forked over at the descent. I'll tell you. Our reigning champion, the man who needs no introduction, the President of Pain, Mister Lincoln!" She announced him in true wrestlemania fashion as he stepped into the ring, knowing he was rolling his eyes at her.   
"Will be taking on his most bitter rival for your viewing pleasure. The legend on the street tells of one little girl who could beat grown men to the ground, take everything they had and leave them crying like babies, all without breaking a sweat." Her voice dropped to a stage whisper.  
"Well, she's no little girl anymore and she's back to kick. Some. Ass!!! The one and only, Commander Greenwood!"

Lexa ducked into the ring, shaking her head with a sideways smile to Raven and bowed dramatically to the crowd, drawing a wave of cheers. This was familiar, comforting almost, she hadn't realized how much she missed the feeling of crowd's intoxicated anticipation before a fight.   
"You sure you want to do this?" Clarke leaned into the ring, hovering in concern.   
"I've got to earn my keep somehow, this is what I'm good at. And Lincoln hasn't spoken to me since I moved down to the AK. It's about time I knocked some sense into him." Lexa chuckled.  
"Don't worry, I'll protect my face. I know how much you like it."   
Clarke shoved at her through the ropes.  
"Protect all of you, idiot. Don't get cocky. I need you in one piece."  
"You need me?" Lexa jeered, cocky despite the order not to be.   
"Shut up." Clarke blushed.   
She busied herself with checking Lexa's hand wraps and gave her the lightest smack upside the head, nodding to Octavia on the other side of the ring to signal that Lexa was ready.   
"Do I get a kiss for luck?"   
"You're a smarmy bastard, Greenwood." Clarke rolled her eyes but obliged, pecking a chaste kiss to her girlfriend's lips before shoving her back through the ropes to the center of the ring. 

Octavia stepped to the middle with the pair of old friends, the first time the three of them had stood together since Lexa had caught a cab to college.   
"Ok, here's the deal, I love you both, please try not to kill each other. And after this, all the stupid grudges and bullshit stops." She directed the last part at Lincoln, who had only agreed to the fight because he'd been waiting six years to punch Lexa and this was the only way Octavia would let it happen.   
"I know you guys have some shit to work through, but keep it clean ok? Ready?" Octavia took each of their hands and made sure they tapped their fists together before pushing them back to their corners and jumping back to the ropes. Sister and boyfriend nodded their silent agreement at their mediator and set themselves at the ready, waiting for the bell. Raven collected her last bets and gave the cue, an old train whistle, a sharp tug, signalling the start. 

Lexa watched Lincoln's shoulders as they circled in from their respective corners. They had learned to fight together, and Lexa was glad to see that she could still read his body language and predict his moves. He stepped left and she moved into his space, ducking low as he made the first swing. Two quick jabs at his side threw him back a step and his fist sailed harmlessly over Lexa's head. 

As he stumbled back, Lexa caught his ankle with her heel and shoved his recoiling arm up to throw him further off balance.   
He toppled and Lexa raised her brows tauntingly at him as he gaped at her from his back. The crowd was screaming, their beloved champion on his back in five seconds flat was definitely worth the extra dollar admission. Though those that were betting on him weren't thrilled, there was still a general wave of excitement. 

Lexa only had a moment to enjoy the small victory before her knee collapsed under her, kicked out by a swinging move that brought Lincoln back to his feet and standing over her. She scowled and set her jaw, surprised to be taken off guard and vowing to never let it happen again. She deflected his next kick, gripping his ankle and shoving him back as she stood. He had to hop back on one leg to avoid hitting the mat again and Lexa released him just as he shifted his weight again to move. 

She kept him off balance this way for a few more blows, deflecting and redirecting his momentum to keep ahead of his movements, dancing around him to assault his ribs and stomach with fists and feet and knees. He was stronger and heavier than her though, and the effort of deflecting his blows was draining her fast. She was hardly shocked when he caught her arm as she swung for his jaw, locking it in place over his shoulder with his own arm until she was unable to move. 

He put his weight into forcing her down and swung into her chest with a knee knocking the wind from her lungs. She heard the crowd react, heard Raven calling the turn of events, but saw nothing as lights swam in front of her eyes. Her shoulder burned from the angle of her arm, twisted unnaturally up and behind her. He held her there, landing blows for every one that he had received until Lexa caught the blur of movement that she thought was Octavia's feet, coming forward to break up the grapple. She moved then. Stubborn pride refusing to let Lincoln win or let her little sister come to her aid.   
She twisted up to stand as straight as she could under Lincoln's weight and hooked a leg behind his, tangling them together even further. As he tried to step out of the trap she jabbed her fingers stiffly at his windpipe. She swung her arm loose as he faltered, tripping on her foot despite knowing it was there. He landed hard on his ass, catching himself on his hands. Lexa recovered and was on him before he could shift to get his guard up. 

"Enough of this." Lexa snarled, bringing a heel down into the soft muscle above his collarbone. He crumpled and she held herself there, leg poised for another strike if he tried to rise again. He didn't. The count started and Lexa let her foot rest on his chest. Her hands still up just in case, but a smirk was slowly crawling across her lips as Raven reached ten. 

"I told you to keep it clean! Did you kill him?!" Octavia rushed forward as Raven cried the result across the atrium. Lexa shook her head and removed her foot, offering a hand to her fallen opponent. He was reluctant and slow, but he took the offered hand and let her pull him to his feet and Octavia relaxed.   
"I'm ok, O." Lincoln coughed, rubbing his throat and shoulder.  
"Let's get the spectacle over with." He muttered and Octavia took her cue to grab Lexa's wrist and raise her hand high in the air. The crowd cheered and Octavia dropped Lexa's hand to give her a quick hug. "Good to have you back in the ring sis. Thanks for not killing him."   
"Anything to keep you happy kid." Lexa laughed. She pulled away and extended a hand back to Lincoln. After a few seconds of hesitation, he gripped her arm and pulled her into a quick embrace.   
"No more bullshit?" She asked at his ear.  
"No more bullshit." He confirmed, releasing her.   
"Good fight."  
"You too. Don't look now, I think I have another challenger." Lincoln nodded to the ropes behind Lexa's head where Clarke was glaring daggers at him and raised his hands in surrender at her. Lexa laughed, pressing a hand to her chest as the movement jarred bruised ribs. She turned and made her way across the plastic, ducking under the ropes again and into Clarke's arms. 

"I just ended one feud, don't start another Griffin." Lexa teased, wincing as Clarke brushed her fingers over her sprained shoulder.   
"He could have broken your arm."  
"And I could have broken his collarbone. It's a fair trade. We broke each other's noses as teenagers." She replied offhandedly, shrugging off Clarke's concern.   
"That's awful." Clarke looked at her, horrified.   
"That's fighting."  
"I don't like it."   
"You don't have to." She raised an eyebrow in a challenge and Clarke backed down, realizing that this was something she couldn't change.   
"Well I don't have to watch. Or sleep with you after." She pouted. Lexa just laughed again, softer to avoid hurting her chest this time, and leaned her forehead against Clarke's. 

"I thought you liked the sexy ninja thing."  
Clarke blushed.   
"Well the outfit is nice. " she granted, barely grazing her fingertips against toned abs before settling her hands on the fabric of Lexa's shorts.   
"Just the outfit?" The win and the crowd had left her feeling more confident, and she knew Clarke liked seeing her fight more than she would openly acknowledge from the hungry look she had caught in her eyes when she circled the ring before the first punch was thrown. Clarke sighed heavily.  
"Alright all of it, it drives me fucking crazy," she punctuated her sentence with dragging nails and a sharp tug at the waistband of Lexa's shorts to pull her closer.   
"But I hate seeing you get hurt."  
"I'll live I-" she broke off, inhaling sharply as she felt a finger under the line of fabric at her waist, lazily running laps along the bone of her hip.   
"Getting even?" She managed to groan, trying to ignore the weak feeling in her knees.   
Clarke smirked and pulled Lexa down for a kiss, barely noting that they were still ringside and Lexa's new fans were gawking.   
"So that not sleeping with me thing... That starts after my _next_ fight right?" Lexa questioned in the space between kisses.  
"We'll see."   
"Tease."

"Are we interrupting?" Octavia cleared her throat loudly, startling the pair apart, though only a fraction of an inch. She and Lincoln were leaning casually against the rail that held the ring's ropes and had clearly been watching, unnoticed, for a while.   
"Yes." Clarke and Lexa answered simultaneously.   
"Tough nuts, you're making a scene." The younger girl laughed, tugging her sister out of her friend's grip, rolling her eyes as the Commander stumbled.   
"They payed for a show." Clarke shrugged and Lincoln laughed, knowing that the gathered townies would have probably payed twice their cover fee for that particular show.   
"Gross." Octavia muttered. 

"You'd pay for that and you know it." Lexa jabbed lightly, recovering herself enough to pull on the jacket and sweats that rested on a nearby chair for her.   
"Ewww, no. I get it for free and I don't want it!" Octavia flailed making disgusted faces at Lincoln.   
"Don't look at me babe, I'd pay for it. " he admitted, though mostly just for the reaction.   
"And we have to deal with that." Clarke rolled her eyes at the pet name. Their secret affair had been brought out into the open and Clarke was sorry she ever found out. Only she and Lexa were allowed to be disgustingly cute as far as she was concerned. Octavia was appalled.

"Abraham!" She scolded.  
"Hey!" He looked hurt, eyes darting around to see who'd been witness to the secret shame of his real name.   
"Why do you think we worked security for Costia and the girls all the time? Lexa laughed at Octavia's obvious discomfort.   
"You mean aside from her being your girlfriend?"   
"Well that," Lexa was forced to admit. "But she wasn't Lincoln's girlfriend. What's his excuse do you think?"   
"Gross! I hate you both!"  
"You just said you loved us both!" Lincoln reminded her.  
"That was before you beat the shit out of each other and somehow turned into pigs." She countered, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Hold on, I'm lost. Costia? Girls? Security?" Clarke stepped back to Lexa's side, feeling like she missed some very important details. It was odd for her to feel left out, but with Lincoln and Lexa speaking again she knew this would be happening more and more often as the two of them and Octavia recounted their history together.   
"Costia was my girlfriend in high school." Lexa explained gently.  
"The prostitute one." Octavia added unhelpfully.  
"Yes thank you Octavia, I'm aware it wasn't an ideal situation, but don't make it sound like such a dirty thing. We needed money." Lexa scowled at her sister's tone when she said 'prostitute'.   
"Ok, so you two were what, bouncers pretty much, and you... watched?!" Clarke tried to figure out how the situation would have played out based on the information she had.  
"More like, listened?" Lincoln supplied. Octavia faked a gag.  
"Lexa got to watch sometimes though." He earned a glare.   
"It was once! And she charged the creep extra!" Lexa cried, clearly having had to defend the case more than once.   
"And I was very uncomfortable" She added quietly to Clarke. 

"You guys definitely had an interesting childhood. I just got arrested a lot." Clarke shrugged.  
"What happened?" The 'to her' was left unsaid.   
"She's in prison." Lexa said simply, her voice colder now, still blaming herself for not being there.   
"Who? Cos?" Raven jumped in, having left her booth in the hands of friends to join the group gathered, and now largely ignored, by the ring.   
"She's out now actually. Good behavior, reduced sentence all that bullshit."   
Lexa's brows shot up in surprise and Clarke tensed.   
"She's out? Where?"   
"Fuck if I know Boss. We were bunkies so I warranted a phone call when she made it outside, but I haven't heard from her since. It's been like, a year?" Raven looked at Lexa apologetically, knowing, more from Costia than from Lexa, about the history there.   
"And she didn't come looking for me?"   
Clarke was starting to feel dread and jealousy creep into her gut as Lexa's concern seemed to grow.   
Octavia shrugged and Lincoln shook his head. 

"You did kinda leave her high and dry when she got hauled in. Didn't even go to the sentencing." Octavia reasoned.   
"That's what I'm talking about. She's not one to let a grudge go. And beating the shit out of me probably wouldn't cut it. I'd like to know if someone's got a price on my head." Lexa sighed, slumping slightly against Clarke's arm. Clarke relaxed as well, the idea that Lexa was looking to rekindle an old flame washed away.   
"That's an extreme grudge." She commented.   
"She doesn't exactly halfass anything." Was the muttered reply.   
"Eight years is a long time. She's probably over it. It's not like her getting caught was your fault."   
"Yeah, I'll just have to hope that's how she remembers it kid." Lexa shook her head at Octavia's bright eyed optimism. 

"Anyway..." It was time to change the subject.   
"Are you gonna finish my back piece now that we're friends again Lincoln?"   
"You have new ink, why didn't you have whoever did that finish it?" Her old friend complained, hurt that she'd let someone else work on her. Lexa rolled her eyes. Of course he noticed.  
"Well, even though you've been a colossal twat for the last six years, I wasn't going to let someone mess up your work, its just not polite." She rubbed at her arm, the sleeve of her jacket hiding the newer scrollwork on her bicep. 

"Aww, you care." Lincoln pretended to swoon, secretly touched by the thought.   
"Maybe I just don't trust anyone else to get the style right."   
"Nope, you definitely care." He teased and she cuffed him on a blooming bruise she'd left on his shoulder.   
"You keep hitting me out of the ring and you're never getting that piece finished." He scowled, rubbing the spot.   
"I've got to get my hands on some new needles, I'm running out."   
"Alright, cool. Just let me know when you want to do it, I have that ink itch." Lexa laughed, glad to have her friend back, and not just for his tattoo skills.

Her new old life was starting to feel normal again, Lincoln and Octavia at her side like they'd always been, and now she had Clarke as well.   
"You guys are weird." Octavia butted in from under Lincoln's arm, done being quiet as the two of them talked.   
"I actually agree with O here." Clarke spoke up as well, earning a wounded look from her girlfriend.   
"You woke up this morning to a six year grudge, tried to kill each other, and now it's like nothing happened."  
"We're not complicated people, Griff, bullshit stays in the ring. She's back," Lincoln gestured at Lexa.   
"And I got a few good hits in, we're square."   
"You're weird." Octavia repeated with a laugh, sticking to her original conclusion. Clarke nodded in agreement, grinning. 

"Hate to break up the party guys," Raven returned, Bellamy at her side. She had slipped away when she was waved over by Monty and Jasper at the turntable to deal with something, and it appeared as though she would need backup.   
"But we have business."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for your comments! Though I'll probably keep writing this regardless, it makes it feel a little more worthwhile to know if you've enjoyed it. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, got caught up in real life and my other stories.

"Lincoln and Lexa, get everyone out the back way, we have maybe an hour to trash the place and scatter." Bellamy should have been named Commander for how quickly he jumped into action.   
"How fucked are we?" Clarke asked, furrowing her brows.  
"Someone got stupid at the decent, drew too much attention. PD and the transit authority are going to sweep the whole line if they don't find something here that satisfies them. So, pretty well fucked." Bellamy pushed his hair back, restless from having to stand and explain rather than taking action.  
"I'll get the kids out." Clarke set her shoulders and began to push through the oblivious partiers around them. 

"Wait!" Lexa's arm shot out and gripped Clarke's wrist, drawing her back quickly.   
"Lexa, we don't have time." Bellamy scowled.  
"You said they needed something to satisfy them right? And all they have to go on is someone tweaking out at the decent?" Lexa held the man's angry eyes, forcing him to at least hear her thought.  
"We just have to make this look like a junkie drop. They never need to know the AK is inhabited. And even if they decide to sweep the rest, it'll buy us some time."   
Raven blinked and Octavia grinned, seeing the logic in the plan before Bellamy's pride let him see it.   
"Ok, but how?"  
"It's not like we're short on supplies Blake." Clarke jumped on board, surveying the room, noting the empty bottles and discarded papers from acid tabs.   
"We even have a convenient supply of junkies." Octavia backed her, already locked on to a few overzealous users slumped along the walls.

"You're going to let them take the fall? If this even works?"   
"Us or them brother." Octavia shrugged. Her brother huffed a defeated breath, growling his acceptance of Lexa's plan, suddenly regretting allowing her to be part of their council.  
"Ok, good. Let's do it." Lexa looked expectantly at Bellamy, waiting for him to take control again with the new play.   
"All you Commander. Call the shots." Lexa rolled her eyes to the ceiling, holding them there for a moment as she reminded herself that she couldn't hit her fellow leader for being butt hurt over his plan being overturned.  
"Ok, I don't know the back way, so you and Lincoln should get everyone out. But leave anyone who's too amped to leave on their own. O, help me dismantle all this," she gave her orders, gesturing at the setup around them.  
"Raven, once you get your equipment out, do you think you can make this place look how it needs to?" She continued, wincing as the words fell from her mouth sounding almost accusatory, drawing on Raven's past for her supposed expertise.  
"I dealt, I didn't hang out in the sort of place you want to turn this into." Raven crossed her arms over her chest. She watched Bellamy and Lincoln nod and accept their orders and quickly wrangle the crowd toward a dark tunnel, but her own pride had reared its head and wouldn't back down.  
"Chew me out later, right now we have to move. I need it to look like pushers have camped out here, can you do it or not?"  
"I can do it." The other woman muttered as she turned to start pulling up cords and wires to move her sound equipment. Lexa frowned after her for a second, then turned her attention to Clarke, still at her side.  
"Go warn the kids, get them to cover any evidence that might lead back to the line from here and all our other entrances for good measure. Lock up and keep away from the Roost and any other squats near entrances that we can't dismantle at a moment's notice." Lexa spoke quickly, all familiarity and affection replaced by will and necessity. Clarke nodded, the urgency of the situation making her steel. She turned to her own task, leaving Lexa to start the demolition of the atrium.   
"Greenwood!" Clarke turned on her heel a few yards away, calling across the now nearly empty space.  
"Be careful."  
"I'll meet you at the Loop in an hour, don't worry Griffin. Go!" A small smile brought a hint of fondness with it before Lexa set her mind back to the job she'd assigned herself.

-

"So you and Lincoln." It wasn't a question. Octavia stopped short, dropping the foam matting she was dragging to the heap in the corner.  
"Is this really the time?"   
"Can't work and talk at the same time?" Lexa raised an eyebrow, continuing her task without looking up at her sister.  
"I can. But why are you bringing this up?"   
"You said you loved him."   
When the secret had been brought to light, Lexa accepted it without question, having always believed in letting Octavia make her own choices. The easy admission of loving both her and Lincoln in the ring had thrown her for a moment though.   
"I do." She didn't hesitate, keeping focused on kicking dust onto the new pile of matting to make it look as though it had been there for a while.   
"I've known him nearly as long as I've known you, and he's had my back all this time. I don't really even know when it happened, but I love him." 

"Ok."  
"Ok?"   
"That's all I wanted to know. I'm not here to parent you O. I just wanted to understand." Lexa shrugged, nodding toward one of their semiconscious patrons before wrapping her arms under his shoulders to move him to Octavia's pile.   
The younger girl grabbed the man's feet and helped pull him across the room.

"So is it my turn to ask about you and Griffin?"   
Lexa dropped the man ungracefully onto the foam with a heavy sigh. She knew she should have expected a reversal. 

"What's there to say?" She moved to one of their looted tables that were staggered around, kicking out a leg and throwing it into a pile of scavenged scrap wood in the center of the room.  
"Well I don't know! I mean,you're together right?"   
"Yeah. But it's mostly just sex and sarcasm." Lexa knew she was downplaying it, but she really wasn't sure what it was that she and Clarke were doing. Certainly not enough to explain it to Octavia. 

"Yeah, that's not what it looks like to the rest of us." Octavia rolled her eyes.   
"But whatever you say." She was in a sour mood now, feeling like Lexa was keeping her at arm's length was not something she was used to. 

"Oh no. What? Come on, you have something else to say here." The mood was contagious.   
A deep sigh,  
"Look, Griffin is my friend, one of my best, it's just stupid that you're brushing this thing with her off like it's nothing when it's obviously not." She took another deep breath, calming herself. 

"It's too early to call it anything else O."

"Seriously, where is this little world of yours where all the rules fit in every situation? You think there's some kind of dating timeline? Like it's only ok to acknowledge that you're head over heels for a girl after so many weeks or months or years?"   
Lexa tried to be upset, getting called out by a girl she'd practically raised, but she could only laugh. She was right.   
"Now you sound like Clarke." She chuckled. Octavia's eyes widened.  
"See! You know her name! It's gotta be serious! She doesn't tell anyone her name."  
"She told me when we met." She smirked at the shock painting her sister's face.   
"And you apparently know it, so it can't be that big of a secret."  
"I know everything, Lexa."

Lexa rolled her eyes heavily and continued her work. She carried on, contemplating in silence for a few minutes before she broke the quiet.  
"I think you're right." It was soft, and Octavia stopped her work to listen.  
"About how I feel about her." She admitted with a shy, uneasy smile, unused to addressing real feelings. Octavia gave her and 'I told you so' look.  
"But what if we're not on the same page? What if it is just sex and sarcasm for her?" There it was. The nagging anxiety of being wrong, being vulnerable, losing something good because she believed it was better than it really was and took it too far.

"You don't really believe that's even possible do you?" Octavia's voice read as sarcasm, but her face was pure concern and protective worry.  
"I don't want to. But O, everything good in my life has been taken away from me. I'm only just starting to get some of it back. It's hard to not think that this is just some amazing trip that's going to have a gut wrenching comedown." Octavia was sure she was probably the only living person, besides maybe Griffin, that had the privilege of seeing Lexa like this and she couldn't even try to tease and lighten the mood. She simply pulled her sister into a hug and held her firmly by the shoulders as she spoke. 

"She feels the same way you do Lexa. I promise. She's probably pacing at your place right now, worried sick that you're going to get caught or hurt. She was ready to take on Lincoln tonight after your fight. That's not just sex. That's real. When you go home tonight, if you still think she isn't just as completely bent for you as you are for her, just see how she reacts to you coming back in one piece."  
Lexa blinked at her, the years had done their work and her baby sister was an adult now, a very wise adult.  
"How...?" Was all she could manage.

"I told you, I know everything."

 

-

Footsteps echoed down the tunnel, amplifying in the curve of the loop before they had a chance to die down. Clarke stopped her quiet pacing to press against the inner wall, ready to slip away if the footsteps belonged to a cop.   
"Griffin?!"  
It was Lexa. Clarke slipped back out into the open space of the track, bolting to wrap her arms around Lexa as soon as their eyes met.   
"You're ok." She murmured against her neck as she held her tightly.   
"Answers that question I guess." Lexa sighed happily, barely audible, as she returned the embrace.   
"What?" Clarke didn't lift her head from where it was buried against her shoulder, but Lexa could feel her forehead wrinkle with a frown through the thin fabric of her jacket.   
"Nothing. Just something Octavia said."   
"Hm?"   
"It's nothing. How'd everything go with the kids?" Lexa changed the subject, feeling that her job wasn't done until she had everyone's reports. Clarke huffed against her shoulder and pulled away so she could meet her eyes.   
"Everythings good. Put everything on lockdown except for the ratways out to the surface. No one in or out til were in the clear."

"Perfect. We trashed the Atrium pretty well and Lincoln found all the old needles and shit that you guys had cleaned up from before to spread around. Looks like a drug den to me. Now we just have to cut the power and see if it works."

"You're really good at this." Clarke said quietly, pride tinting her voice.   
"Good at what?"   
"Leading. Bellamy wanted to just scatter and try to find somewhere new, but you came up with this plan in two seconds and it's going to work." Clarke's hands slid up Lexa's sides and over her collarbones to rest on either side of her neck, fingertips brushing her nape, one thumb rubbing slow circles over the soft spot behind her ear. Lexa's eyes closed and she relaxed into the touch for a moment before she found herself again. _'She definitely feels the same way'_  
"Clarke, you're not stupid, you know it's a long shot."   
Lexa moved a hand to cover one of Clarke's, squeezing it gently.  
"It's better than running." Clarke argued, a slight scowl tugging the corners of her smile downward.  
"Well I have a plan for that too, there's a place I always meant to move everyone to before. It'll be a little more cramped than here, but it'll do in a pinch when we have to leave."  
"If." Clarke corrected, knowing better than to let Lexa believe that 'bad' was the only possible outcome.   
"If." Lexa echoed reluctantly.  
"We should probably meet with the others and-"  
"Lexa. Stop." Clarke quieted her planning with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys! Stay tuned!


	10. Chapter 10

It was meant to be quick and quieting but Lexa's lips were fire and the kiss burned through her instantly, erasing everything that had happened since their last kiss, leaving only the embers of the desire they had built before.  
Seconds stretched on as they got lost in heavy kisses and insistent hands. 

Lexa let Clarke take the lead, her knees suddenly weak again as she was spun to be pressed against the cool brick of the wall, the Commander slipping away from her as she wrapped herself around Clarke. No. Griffin. This wasn't the girl who played heartfelt acoustics and sipped coffee with a pen in hand, this was wild and untamed and fierce. This was the woman who could make grown men turn and run with one glare, the woman who ran one of the largest street gangs in the the city nearly single handedly. This was a myth, carrying her off to be its prize, and Lexa could do nothing to stop it. She didn't want to.

A breath pulled them apart for a fraction of a second, barely long enough for bruised fingers to tangle and tug at blonde waves, nails scratching at the soft line of spine beneath skin. The next crash was met with a high whimper, pulled from parted lips before they were brought back to the needy ones they had left just a moment before.

The yearning pitch was Clarke. Clarke who scribbled poetry and love songs in the spaces of newsprint, Clarke who left intricate doodles as a tip when she left the coffee shop. Clarke, not the Griffin. There was a shift between them, as if the poles had been reversed, and Lexa's knees weren't weak anymore. The Commander returned to her, feeding her just enough of her unrelenting strength to press forward and reverse their positions. Bare shoulders scraped against rough brick, pulling another keening whimper from Clarke's lips as strong hands traced, somehow gentle for all their pressure and the scratch of nails, down to her chest. The Commander's confidence moved to claim all of her as she absorbed the soft cries, 'yes's melting into her name, into quick gasps. Her fingers danced, dragging and clawing between the softest of caresses and the searing heat of fingertips on the smooth skin beneath the loose cotton of a paint splattered tank.

Lips crashed and parted, finding new places to leave bruises before joining again in a wicked dance.  
Clarke twisted a leg up and around Lexa's thigh, pulling their hips together roughly with her last ounce of control, giving in to the growling breath at her ear. Lexa's fingers gripped roughly at her thigh, dragging back to her ass to find a better hold as she rocked against her. Her free hand working lazily from Clarke's breast bone to the warm place where their hips met. Clarke rocked her hips up to meet the errant hand when it reached its destination, gasping a sharp breath as she felt nails against bone under the fabric. 

"Lexa. Please. God, please." Lexa could feel Clarke clench around her hips, trying to find some relief with her own strength while Lexa kept up her slow, teasing pace. Part of her wanted to comply, wanted to lift Clarke onto the platform and make her shudder with her face gripped between her legs. The other part, the Commander part, was high off of the trip this had become. Lexa was used to begging for Clarke by now, but this was something exquisite, Clarke begging for her, being in control in a situation where she had never been. She couldn't just let it go so quickly. 

"You want me to fuck you? Right here?" She didn't ask, so much as purr, low and sultry in Clarke's ear, pulling back just enough to see desire flood blue eyes and the heavy fervent nod. Lexa slipped one hand into the shorts that seemed to so frustrate Clarke. One finger, just one, dipped into the heat that was collected there, sliding smoothly across wet lips and over the thrumming pulse of her clit. Clarke shuddered at the touch, rolling her head back against the brick to push herself further into her lover, begging with her body for more. A cry broke from her lips as Lexa slid inside her, finding the place she was needed most. But she was gone before Clarke could pull her further, use what she was given for a release. She opened her eyes to find Lexa languidly licking her fingers clean, hooded eyes watching her with almost predatory want.   
"Lexa." If anyone else ever heard this voice, Clarke would beat them stupid,but for Lexa, she didn't care. She wanted her to know how weak she was in this moment, how desperate and wanting. She knew. Of course she knew. She was using it. And it was working.   
"Please."  
"I don't think you've earned it, Clarke." Her eyes flicked down and Clarke groaned, low and hungry, when she caught the meaning. She sunk heavily to her knees, pulling at Lexa's sweats on the way, the pressure of Lexa's hand on the back of her head and the throbbing between her own legs encouraging her to be quick.

Lexa allowed herself a low moan when Clarke's mouth set to work, but refused to fall apart. The thrill of this role reversal had brought her close already and she could feel her release building in seconds under Clarke's skilled tongue. The first wave rocked through her body and she forced herself to step away, tugging at Clarke's hair, hand still tangled in golden waves, until she met her eyes once again.   
Clarke found her feet, raising her lips to Lexa's as she let herself be pressed back against the wall. The kiss broke with a gasp as Lexa's fingers found their way back to where Clarke needed them, giving her what she had earned. She rolled her hips into Lexa's thrusts, pulling moans from each of them as Lexa found some friction for herself on the back of her own hand. Clarke fell from the wall as she came apart, relying on Lexa's strength to hold her up as her nerves danced and her muscles clenched. Lexa's own release came quickly after and she pulled them both to the ground, unable to keep her knees from buckling. 

They lay there for long moments, a tangled mess of limbs on a pile of discarded clothing in the dust of the abandoned platform. 

"Clarke?"  
"Hmm?"  
"This is real. Isn't it?"  
"No, we're just both having the same crazy, wildly hot sex dream." Clarke answered sarcastically and leaned harder into Lexa's side, not quite understanding the question.   
"Jerk." Lexa flicked her gently on the shoulder with a slight roll of her eyes..  
"I meant, us. This isn't just... Fooling around. This is real. Right?" She knew it, but saying it out loud made the possibility that she was wrong that much more terrifying.   
Clarke blinked at her, head tilting to the side as she studied her face in the dim light.  
"Lexa, this has never just been 'fooling around' you know that. This is real." She pulled Lexa's chin until they were eye to eye, holding her gaze with soft affection and concern.  
"Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm crazy about you?" She soothed away the lines of Lexa's frown as they appeared, kissing the corners of her lips until she relaxed again.   
"Because everything that I've ever-" lexa tried to explain, choking on her words when the anxiety won once again and wouldn't let her say it.  
"Everything good in my life gets taken away, or leaves. It never lasts. How I feel, how we feel, it terrifies me."  
It was Clarke's turn to frown and wrinkle her brow.   
"Why?"  
"Because I don't want to lose it. I don't, I can't, lose you too." The admission took her strength from her and she dropped her head to rest heavily on Clarke's shoulder, defeated.   
"I'm not going anywhere, I need you, remember? I meant that. And if I have to remind you every day until it sticks I will, don't think I won't." Clarke painted a small mischievous grin on her face, waiting for Lexa's smile before peppering her with kisses.   
"Thank you Clarke."  
 _'I love you.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops? :p


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff and background

"This is ridiculous."  
Clarke crossed her arms as they came up onto the street, stating her thoughts one last time.

"Griffin. We know."   
Octavia rolled her eyes and shouldered past her friend to catch up with Lexa who had already left them halfway down the block.

"I get it Griff, I really do, but Greenwood's right on this."   
Bellamy shrugged as he stepped around her as well. A few of the younger kids began to file past her as she glared at the reckless majority of her council.

"Fine!"   
She tossed her hands in the air and followed, ignoring annoyed looks from the Grounder kids around her. They were as sick of it as Octavia.

"What was that movie we watched with the mom and daughter that switched bodies?"  
Octavia asked as she caught up to Lexa. She wasn't supposed to have seen the movie, and only caught the middle of it when she snuck out of the locked 'solitary' room of their old foster home when she was seven.

"Freaky Friday?"   
Lexa answered automatically, turning to walk backwards to stare in confusion.

"Yeah that. Did you and Griff switch bodies or something? I mean, I love this idea, but it's kinda more something she would come up with. You're normally the one complaining loudly at every opportunity."

"I'm pretty sure I complain quietly and sulk a lot when I don't like something. And no, we didn't switch bodies."  
Lexa rolled her eyes and turned back to leading the way.  
"I just wanted to do something nice for the kids."   
The sarcasm was gone as she added her explanation quietly.

"Ok. Then what's her deal?"

"What, you didn't hear her complaining on the train? I'm fairly certain she listed all her reasons why I've made a horrible decision blah blah blah."   
Lexa's bitter tone was almost painful for Octavia to take in, but it did give her a much needed insight.

"So... What was the fight about?"   
She hit the nail on the head and Lexa's shoulders dropped as she recalled.

"It was stupid. It's not important."   
She shrugged it off but Octavia drove a fist into her shoulder with a glare.

"Tell me."

"We were just, just talking,"  
'in bed.' Octavia supplied in her head as Lexa stumbled on the words.  
"And the topic of parents came up."

Octavia sucked a breath in between her teeth in a sharp hiss.

"Girl who misses her parents and girl who hates her parents. Yeah, that explains why she's on your case."

"We both said some pretty stupid things."   
Lexa sighed, glancing back to catch sight of Clarke's blue beanie above the small sea of heads crowding the sidewalk.  
"She'll let it go eventually. Right?"  
She turned back to Octavia for reassurance, gaining only a laugh instead.

"Are you worried about this because you're stupid bent for her or because you still think your last ex has a hit out for you?"

"I should have smothered you in your sleep when you were small."   
Lexa muttered, pouting.

"Awww, but then who would tell you when you're being an idiot?"

"Hopefully no one? Though, Griffin seems to have it covered today."

The younger girl just shook her head with a soft laugh. Since Lexa came back it seemed more and more like they had switched roles and she was now the mentor.

"Hey, Bell!"   
Octavia called her brother forward, catching him lurking a few paces behind them.  
"Let's say someone brought up Griff's parents...."   
She posed the hypothetical as he caught up.  
"How long would you say she'd be pissed for?"

"Mother or father?"   
He picked up quickly, raising amused eyebrows at a now sulking Lexa.

"Mother."   
She muttered, knowing the reaction she was in for. True to her assumption, Bellamy pulled in a sharp breath, reminding her of Octavia's nearly identical reaction earlier.

"Yeah, you screwed the pooch there."   
He offered Lexa an apologetic glance, returning his eyes to his shoes quickly as she glared daggers at him.  
"Thank you. I wasn't aware."

* * *

"Griffin? Can we talk out here for a sec?"

Lexa was met with a glare and a terse nod as she stopped Clarke outside the doors that the rest of the crew were filing through.

"Ooh, moms are fighting. Hey I bet we could make a quick buck if we got a camera on them when they make up."

"This is why we broke up Jasper."

Lexa caught the exchange as Octavia smacked Jasper upside the head and pulled him inside to leave the two older women alone.

"They dated?"   
She shook her head, hoping she'd heard wrong, temporarily forgetting the problem at hand.

"For maybe a week when they were fifteen."   
Clarke answered. The laugh was easy and the smile was genuine, but Lexa's hope for an easy resolution was dashed quickly with the return of lowered brows and the frown.  
"No. I'm mad at you."   
Clarke stated, reminding herself more than Lexa.

"Why? Why are you mad at me?"

Clarke opened her mouth but Lexa silenced her again.

"And none of that crap about wasting the money we earned from the fight or laying low or not getting cocky after dodging the raid on the AK. I've heard all that all afternoon, and my answer is the same as its been. They're kids, they're scared, and we can afford to give them a little something good for a change. The thing is, I know you agree with me. So why are you really mad? Because I said you should reconcile with your mother?"

Clarke's annoyance turned to rage again as Lexa finished.

"You don't understand, Lexa. She ruined everything for me. My whole life before she got caught was a lie, and even after that got taken from me that wasn't enough! She couldn't let us just live and forget about all that shit. She turned my dad in and he killed himself!"

She was yelling now, like she had when she'd stormed out of the Loop that morning.

"Clarke."  
Lexa silenced her with her voice near a whisper.  
"How could I have understood when you've never told me?"

Clarke's breath caught as she pulled in another lungfull to continue and she sagged slightly.

"I'm sorry. You're right, you couldn't have known. I just- I could never- My whole childhood. She took all of that and burnt it down."

"At least you got one."

Lexa scuffed a foot against the concrete, watching the rubber of her shoe scrape along rather than look at Clarke's eyes as they filled with regret for her words.  
There was no anger in Lexa's voice and that made Clarke feel worse. She had every right to be the one yelling, but she was just calmly taking all the abuse she was being thrown. Clarke replayed their morning, trying to remember when it was that she snapped and became so selfishly absorbed in her rage for her mother that she forgot that Lexa had spent most of her life as an orphan.

Clarke stood in silence for a moment before dropping onto a curb, head in her hands.

"God, I'm an ass."

"A bit."   
Lexa laughed slightly as she lowered herself to sit beside Clarke.

"But it's fine."  
She wrapped an arm over the other girl's shoulders and pulled her close to kiss the top of her head.

"Is it really? I mean, I hate me, how do you not? And I've ruined this trip-"

"Hey, it's done. It's the past. We just got here, there's no way for you to have ruined the day, they won't even remember by the time we leave."   
Lexa rose and reached to pull Clarke up.  
"And I could never hate you."   
She added quietly once they were both standing.

"I'm sorry."  
Clarke whispered, pulling Lexa close to rest her head against her shoulder.

"Are you going to apologize all day or are we going to bowl?"   
Lexa teased.

* * *

The ally was dim, highlighted with neon lights and flashing arcade games. The radio blared with a static crackle which was largely drowned out by the crash of pins and the excited whoops of the people gathered at the top of the lanes.

"How'd you even find this place?"  
Clarke marveled as she was led inside.

"I worked here in high school. Sorting smelly shoes was not my calling. But it kinda feels like home."   
Lexa rolled her eyes toward the wall of shoes waiting to be rented behind the counter, not missing that part of this place at all.  
Clarke was about to laugh when a burly bearded man stepped up to them. His bowling shirt stretched just slightly over a gut that had seen too many free nachos and beer and his face was covered in sweat and grease, but he seemed friendly.

"I hate to be that guy, but are you in charge of the group from the youth shelter?"   
He asked, casting his eyes from Clarke to Lexa and back.

"I am, yeah. Sorry."  
Lexa stepped up, putting on her best upperworld performance.

"Oh it's fine, I knew you were coming, so I went ahead and got everyone their lanes and shoes."

"But you need your money. Of course. It's all here."   
She handed him a haphazard stack of bills and he eyed it warily.  
"I'm sorry, it's donation money, the sisters at Saint Kay didn't get a chance to get it changed to bigger bills, it's been a little hectic at the shelter."   
She explained apologetically, offering him a smile that begged him to not be mad. 

Clarke found a wall to lean on and watched, impressed with Lexa's acting, almost believing it herself. Of course, she'd seen the fight and she'd taken the entrance fee at the decent, so she knew exactly where Lexa was embellishing.

"No, of course, totally understandable. I was in and out of there as a kid actually, I know how it is. It's great that you get to do things like this." 

Lexa was sure this man would be a mall Santa when he went grey, he seemed so genuinely pleased to be even a small part of helping the Saint Kay's kids that she almost felt bad for using it as her cover. If he wasn't obviously at least ten years older than her she was sure they would have crossed paths there at some point. Though...

"I know you don't I?"   
She asked tilting her head slightly.

_"Lexa, no."_ Clarke thought with horror.  
 _"You are too gay and he is way too old and way too gross. I don't care how good you are, you cannot pull off flirting with him."_  
"Ummm, I think I would remember."

_"This is quickly turning into a train wreck."_ Clarke pushed herself off the wall to intervene, but was stopped when Lexa nearly shouted.

"Gus!"

The man's tag read 'Auggie' which could be short for August, so Clarke assumed Gus wasn't a stretch, but who the hell was Gus?

"No one calls me that since.... Wait, Alex?"  
He took a step back in surprise, studying her to find the twelve year old girl he had known.

"Ha! No one's called me that since you left. Damn. It's good to see you brother."  
Lexa was grinning and Gus quickly mirrored her as he scooped her up into a hug.

"You grew up Ali-saurus."   
He laughed and Clarke suddenly felt very forgotten.

"Yeah, twelve years will do that. Pretty sure I've outgrown the dinosaur phase. It's Lexa."  
She laughed with him, shaking her head at the coincidental silliness of the whole situation.

"Well, I'm floored. Small world huh?"

"The smallest."

"You gonna introduce your big brother to your... Coworker?"  
He asked, directing the question of title to Clarke who had to laugh.

"Girlfriend."   
She supplied, reaching for his hand.  
"I'm Clarke."   
She could practically feel Lexa's sigh of relief at her side. Former foster brother or no, getting caught in the lie they were telling could be disastrous, and street names would be a dead giveaway that they weren't actually shelter volunteers.

"Nice to meet you Clarke. I'm Augustus, Auggie is fine though."   
He shook her hand warmly, raising a knowing eyebrow at Lexa at the word 'girlfriend'.

"You were foster siblings?"   
Clarke asked, trying to clarify the context of their familiarity.

"Yeah, Gus,- Auggie, sorry- aged out right after Octavia came to live with us. Haven't seen him since, the ass."  
Lexa threw a playful punch to drive her point home.

"Sorry kid, I had to get as far away from that place as possible."   
He defended himself with an apologetic look, and Clarke added an extra horror to the mental picture of the home Lexa and Octavia had grown up in.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I spent most of high school here actually, rather than go home to that place. My name is probably still scratched into the paint behind the snack bar."

"You worked here? We must have just missed each other." 

Lexa assumed the next words from his mouth would have been 'small world' if he wasn't cut off by a disgruntled customer wanting their money back from the arcade.

"Sorry, I gotta deal with this, you guys should join your group. We'll catch up later, ok kid?"

He was practically being dragged away as he spoke and Lexa waved, certain he would be eaten alive by angry spoiled teenagers.

"Could my life get any stranger?"   
Lexa mused, grabbing Clarke's hand to lead her to the lanes that Auggie had assigned to the group.

"That was definitely strange"   
Clarke agreed.

"I guess there's a lot that we don't know about each other huh?"

Lexa looked at her curiously, not quite understanding.

"Alex?"   
Clarke prompted with a small smirk.

"Ah. I told you that Octavia gave me my name, I guess I forgot to mention it was short for Alexandria."   
Lexa muttered the name and Clarke couldn't decide if it was so that none of the others heard or because she really hated it that much. She figured it was safe to assume both.

"I like it."   
Clarke pulled Lexa into the chair next to her, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Hey! All better now?"  
Octavia appeared behind them, draping her arms over their shoulders and forcing her way between them.

"You're back to being disgusting, so I assume you worked your mommy issues out?"

Clarke's eyes flashed at the joke and Lexa landed a hard flick between Octavia's eyes before she could pull away.

"I swear to god Octavia Blake, I am seriously regretting letting you live as a child."

Octavia scowled and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. The scowl quickly turned into a wild grin as she called to Lincoln who was setting up his throw.

"Lincoln! They switched back! Lexa's the grumpy one again!"

Lincoln's ball went into the gutter and she danced away before he and Lexa could gang up on her, laughing hysterically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far guys? Any ideas? Input? Suggestions?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found my muse again! Sneaky bitch got away from me for a bit.   
> Anyway, how about some more cute!? Also, getting back to the original plot. :P

“Lexa?” 

Everyone stopped, mimed punches held mid arc and laughter dying off into embarrassed chuckles. 

An afternoon in the park had quickly turned into a mock brawl when Lexa and Lincoln's argument over who was the better fighter had warranted a competition. Clarke and Octavia had been content to watch as the two chased each other through the decorative trees and gardens, until Lexa had knocked Octavia’s coffee into the grass. After that it was a free for all that ended in both couples tangled together and laughing like children. 

At least until a stern but curious voice called Lexa out of the pile. 

“Anya?!” 

Lexa gaped for a moment, disentangling herself from Clarke's grip over her shoulders. She was suddenly acutely aware of her torn jeans and old flack jacket, the pile of ragtag backpacks they'd left beside Clarke's guitar case and just how long it had been since she'd washed her hair. 

“Nice day for the park huh?”   
She heard herself saying, trying to fill the now awkward silence. Octavia scoffed behind her and she resisted snapping a glare back in her direction.

“I can't say I was expecting to see you around again.” The older woman hid a small confused smile in a quick sideways glance at the nearby playscape.

“I dropped by your apartment a few weeks ago, the neighbor said you'd moved.” 

“You went to my apartment?”  
Lexa raised a brow at her former boss. They had been friendly, when she wasn't being used to run pointless errands, but she'd never have expected a social call. 

“I was worried.” She said simply with a small shrug. 

“You were worried?”

“When did you turn into a parrot, Lexa?”   
Anya laughed and Lexa snapped out of her stunned stupor. 

“Sorry, it's just so weird running into you here.” 

“You know I live just around the corner right?”  
The laugh came with a small friendly hug, which Lexa couldn't help but melt gratefully into. Anya was nothing if not good at defusing awkward tension. It was part of her job after all. Making people feel comfortable. 

“How could I forget?”   
Lexa mimed a smack to her forehead at her forgetfulness.  
“It's been an interesting couple of months.”

“Looks like.”

Anya made a show of sizing up Lexa's attire and that of her friends. 

“Casual Fridays?” Lexa shrugged with a sheepish smile, hoping no one would comment on the fact that it was a Tuesday.

“I'm not judging Lexa. The suit never really worked for you anyway.”

Clarke barked out a laugh at this, having been the only other person present to have seen Lexa in her business wear. This time Lexa did spare a glance over her shoulder to glare at her giggling friends and girlfriend.

“Excuse my girlfriend, she's extremely rude.” Lexa smirked and dodged the punch that Clarke swung at her shoulder as she came forward to introduce herself. 

“I'm rude? You never introduce me to your old friends.” She teased before turning to Anya.

“I'm Clarke. Nice to meet you.”

“Anya. Lexa used to work for me, and, we've actually met.”  
Anya shook the offered hand, smiling coyly as Clarke tried to recall where they could have possibly met. Lexa's brows peaked in curiosity and she watched with interest as Clarke's past and her own seemed to collide yet again. 

“I don't remember, I'm so sorry.”   
Clarke finally admitted.

“It's alright, you and your friends were pretty drunk. I believe it was your birthday.”   
Anya earned another complement of confused stares, Lincoln and Octavia crowding closer to hear about this new development as well.

“I used to be a dancer.” She waited for the information to click. 

“Oh my god. My eighteenth birthday! You- you remember that!?”

“Hard to forget a face like that. And the dress was lovely.” She was flirting now, though jokingly, and Lexa bristled slightly at the thought, startling herself with the amount of jealousy she felt. 

“Lexa, I am so sorry… I paid your boss for a lap dance.” Clarke clung to Lexa's arm, halfway between mortified and hysterical. 

“I'm gonna need this whole story.”   
Octavia jumped in with a smirk.

“I second that.” Lincoln added.

“Third.” Lexa added on impulse, though less amused.  
“But first…”  
She turned her attention back to Anya.  
“You went from being a dancer to running a fashion house?”

“You can do whatever you put your mind to… if you've got a generous aunt like Indra. Plus…” as if on cue a young girl ran into the group and tackled Anya's legs. 

“I had this one to take care of.” Anya scooped the girl up, bouncing her to her hip.   
“Can you say hi to my friends, Tris?”

“Hi mommy’s friends.”   
Lexa recognized the girl from pictures in Anya's office, though she was now missing a couple teeth, right in the middle. 

“Mommy?” She got to her point, gesturing wildly back to the playscape.  
“That boy took my turn on the swings. And I wanted to punch him but I didn't, like you said. I'm still mad at him though.” Six year old rage unfortunately still looked adorable and Lexa, Clarke and Octavia couldn't hide their grins. 

“Is his mom coming over here because you called him names?” Anya chided, noticing another woman heading in their direction with a small boy. 

“I only said he would be in big trouble if I was allowed to punch him.” 

The fierce defiance only made Anya sigh, though the others could tell she was trying to suppress a grin of her own. 

“Tris…”   
She put her daughter down and moved to intercept the other mother across the lawn. 

“Could you wait here for just one second Lexa, I have to…” she gestured at Tris, pouting at her side and looked toward the sky for help.

“All good. I don't think we're going anywhere?”   
Lexa looked to her friends for confirmation and nodded their agreement back to Anya who smiled gratefully and set to the mission at hand. 

“Soooo… you paid my boss for a lap dance.”   
Lexa turned her deadpan back to Clarke.

“I actually kinda blew my mom's money on a private room and a fancy dress. At least she remembers it? I sure as fuck don't.” 

Octavia was near tears with laughter as Clarke’s ears burned red. Lexa tried to keep her face unimpressed, but the smallest of smiles tugged at her lips at the thought of Clarke's big ‘fuck you’ to her mother. It sounded like something she would do, and Lexa was a little sad she'd missed it. 

“Is this the same birthday Bellamy was telling me about?”  
Lincoln asked with raised brows and a knowing smirk.  
“The one where you set his car on fire and gave him a black eye for touching your guitar?”

Clarke just stared at her feet and Octavia hit the ground, unable to stand and laugh at the same time. 

“Remind me to never touch your guitar.”  
Lexa muttered behind the hand holding back her smile. 

“It was new.”   
Was all the defense Clarke could sullenly manage before Anya returned, minus Tris who was giving the playground a second chance. 

“What did I miss?”  
Anya caught the laughter, joining from pure contagious energy. 

“The rest of my birthday party.”   
Clarke grumbled, glaring at her friends to compose themselves. 

“A shame.”   
Anya breathed a short laugh and went sullen and quiet, searching for words before she spoke again.   
“Look, I don't want to assume… but, well, Tris’s father owns a restaurant downtown and I… if you ever need a meal…” she stuttered awkwardly over the assumption, simultaneously hoping that she was wrong and right. 

Lexa squinted at the gesture, hesitant to admit their position or accept handouts, but she knew Anya, and she knew her heart was in the right place.

“Thank you Anya. I would hate to put any strain on his business though. I know how hard it is to keep a restaurant afloat without giving out freebies. We really appreciate the offer though.” 

“Work for him then!”   
Anya blurted, sensing Lexa's withdrawal. Lexa recoiled slightly but Anya rushed ahead to explain.  
“I mean, you're right, the business isn't doing great, and I know I wasn't the greatest person to work for but I know you have potential and he could use someone that knows what they're doing. If you can get them turning a profit, a few free meals for your friends wouldn't be a problem. And it’s not my business, I know, but I hate to see you having to live on the street because of, well because of me and Indra. Maybe just, think about it?” 

Lexa was stunned. The almost desperate need to help, so evident in Anya's voice was a shock she had never expected to get. 

“Yeah, alright, I'll think about it.”   
She answered finally, registering Clarke's tugging at her coat sleeve. 

“Great. I should uh… I should let you get back to your afternoon. Here, give him a call if you want. It was really good to see you Lexa. I'm really sorry about how things ended at the office. Don't be a stranger OK?”

She pressed a business card into Lexa's palm and hurried away before any of them could react, collecting Tris from the playground with one hopeful backwards glance. 

“That was…”

“Weird? Yeah.”

* * *

“You're really not going to call?”

Clarke was tucked under Lexa's chin, twisting a stray curl around a finger as the other girl studied the drawings plastered to the ceiling of the Roost.

“I don't know. It just feels like a handout. Doesn't feel right.”   
Lexa had been trying to dodge the subject all afternoon. Ever since she had tucked the card into her jacket pocket and suggested they head back to the AK. 

“You're scared aren't you?”   
Clarke softened the blow of the accusation with a kiss to Lexa's clinched jaw.

“No! I just…”   
Her fingers flexed and curled restlessly as she hunted for the words in her mind.   
“It's more than just taking a job, Clarke. There's a lot to consider. I can't just suddenly be a functioning member of society at the drop of a hat. There's obstacles.”  
She didn't sound convinced.

“Obstacles like living with a hundred homeless kids in an abandoned subway line?”  
Clarke supplied the unspoken issue.  
“Remember when I said living down here could just be temporary for you? You can do this. Go be a fancy business person, get an apartment, preferably one with a working elevator, never have to fight for your money again. That's what you wanted wasn't it?” 

“And leave my family again?”   
Lexa's quiet fear put a quaver in her voice and Clarke smoothed the lines from her forehead with gentle fingers.

“You're not going to lose anyone for following your dreams. Not this time. Especially not me. Make the call.”

“Okay.”   
Lexa sighed.   
“Hand me my jacket?”

“Where is it?”

“Wherever you threw it.”   
Lexa booped Clarke's nose, forcing her playfully offended expression wider.

“You were hoping I’d forget about it weren't you?”   
Clarke laughed at Lexa's feigned innocence.   
“For future reference, a good cuddle always completely recharges whatever memory loss I might have suffered during sex. Shoulda warned you.”  
The sarcastic lift of her smile teased at Lexa's lips as she brushed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“I guess I'll just have to make you forget again and learn from my mistake.”   
Lexa smirked a challenge and cut off any protests with tickling fingers and kisses hidden in giggles, the jacket and business card forgotten for a few minutes more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mom Anya is a very different Anya, but this is a very different world, so I stand by Mom Anya. :D


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me!

It was an odd sense of deja vu, finding Clarke nestled into a corner of a busy platform with her guitar as she came down the stairs in her suit with a file folder tucked under her arm. 

“We have to stop meeting like this.”   
She dropped down to the cold concrete, happy to find that Clarke had discovered a warm air vent to situate herself near. 

“Does the official looking folder of papers mean you got the job?”  
Clarke acknowledged her cliche with a small chuckle and quickly focused on the file in Lexa's arms. 

“Provisionally. This is a mock business plan I have to put together, it's a pointless test really, but I insisted.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow at her.

“I don't want to get a job just because Anya told her ex husband to hire me. Feels like cheating.”   
Lexa sighed, work ethic winning out over taking the easy road. 

“You're a better person than I am.”   
Clarke bumped her with a shoulder, smiling proudly. 

“You know that's not true.”   
Lexa scolded with a bump of her own.   
“Shall we go home, or are you actually working?”

“You kidding? I'm stalking you, this station gets shit for tips.”

“You say such sweet things to me.” 

“You love it.”

* * *

Anya picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, its Lexa.”

“This isn't your number…”  
Anya checked the screen again.  
‘Unknown number’

“I had to hawk my old phone. I lifted this one off some wall street douche.”   
She could practically feel Anya's scowl across the city.  
“Relax, I'm kidding. It's a payphone in the subway. I did pawn my phone.”

“Oh.”   
Anya sighed.

“Anya, I chose this, it's not your fault. This is how I grew up, I missed it.” 

It didn't make sense, but it was more personal information about Lexa than she'd ever gotten in the year and a half they'd worked together, so she took it. 

“Did you call Nicolas?”  
Anya knew she probably hadn't. She had spent the walk home with Tris berating herself for putting her nose where it didn't belong, and even this call was a complete surprise. What little she did know about Lexa told her she was stubborn, and quick to withdraw from help. But it seemed like she had changed for the better these past months, so she let herself hope. 

“I did actually. I'm just headed home from drawing up paperwork. I wanted to thank you, for the opportunity. I needed a little convincing, but I think this'll be good for me. I really appreciate it “

 

“Thats wonderful! I'm so glad. I think it'll be a win win for everyone. Nick is a good guy, but the restaurant was his mother's and I don't think he really knows how to keep the business going without her. He's a doctor, not a businessman.”  
Anya laughed, happy that her impulse hadn't brought about a disaster. 

“I'm struggling to see why you two are divorced.” Lexa joked, falling back into the easy but distanced sarcastic teasing tone that she had perfected during her time as Anya’s employee.

“We got married for Tris, but everyone was miserable, so we decided to just raise her as friends.”   
She was used to telling the story by now, explaining it as though it was nothing unusual to still be best friends with your ex husband. Lexa had expected a brush off, some rehearsed statement, not candid honesty. She was impressed and couldn't figure out why she had ever thought of Anya as any less than a flawless human being. 

“That's… kinda awesome actually. Oh, hey, my train is here, gotta go. We should catch up sometime though?”   
She wasn't sure why she was nervous about asking, Anya seemed to genuinely want to be a friend now that she wasn't her boss. 

“I'd like that.”

“Well you know where to find me now I guess. I'll see you at the restaurant sometime.”   
Lexa hung up quickly, squeezing through the doors of the train just as they prepared to slide closed.

* * *

“Hey stranger.” She was greeted by Lincoln when she stepped off at the station nearest to the AK. 

“I see you every day Linc, we're hardly strangers.”   
She rolled her eyes. He was in a mood.

“Well, you're all dressed up, I hardly recognize you.”   
He sulked, following her to the entrance to the Roost. 

“Are you going to go back to hating me just because I took a job that doesn't make the four years of college I struggled through worthless? Are you really going to do that to me again? I'm not abandoning you. That was never my intention, and it certainly isn't now.”   
Lexa snapped, warm fuzzy feeling of success replaced by bile. 

“You've been trying to run away from this life for years, that's isn't any different and you know it!”  
He wasn't ready to give up, old anger refusing to remain buried.

“I tried to come back, asshole! Remember that?! But I seem to recall my supposed best friend telling me I was no longer welcome. Ring any bells?”

“What's going on?”  
Clarke appeared from the dark at the other end of the station, jogging up the track at the sound of Lexa's agitated growl. 

“Abraham can't get the fuck over himself for two seconds and just be happy that I'm doing something with my life. That's what.”   
She didn't mean to snap, but she couldn't push the anger away as quickly as her mouth worked ahead of her. 

Before Clarke could form a proper scowl and jump in to mediate, Lincoln lunged, tackling Lexa to the cracked concrete of the platform. 

“Get over myself?! When you take the first chance you get to throw in our faces that you're so much better than us?! Lexa went to College. Lexa got a job. Lexa doesn't have to live in the fucking tunnels!”   
In the seconds between hitting the floor and Lexa's eyes clearing from the impact, his fist had landed against her face twice and was poised for a third strike. Lexa's hands came up in time to deflect the third blow, but the effort made her head swim. She could hear Clarke screaming at Lincoln and feel the blood running down her throat but she couldn't move. She needed to move.   
He shifted his weight as her block forced his fist to connect with concrete and she pulled a knee to her chest. It felt slow, but she had the leverage now. She just needed an opening. 

She didn't get it. 

The heel of Clarke's boot connected hard with Lincoln's side, coming down above the last rib, and he rolled away to catch his breath as the red cleared from his vision with the flood of white hot pain.

When the haze cleared from his mind and his lungs figured out how to work again he pulled himself up to see the damage this blackout had caused. He remembered Lexa's biting tone, but not what she had said. He didn't remember hitting the floor or how his best friend's face had come to look like it had been hit by a truck. He knew from the pain that it had been him, but all he could remember was blackened shadows in red mist. 

“You could have killed her!” Clarke was still screaming at him, her voice bringing him back to the present. Somewhere he did not want to be.

“No… I…”

“Get away! Get the fuck away before I fucking kill you!” 

The pain in his ribs was near blinding, but he forced himself up to run, nearly colliding with Octavia and Bellamy as they rushed in. 

“Lincoln?”   
Octavia looked frantically from her boyfriend to her sister, the latter, barely conscious.

“I'm sorry, Octavia. I didn't mean to.”   
He pushed past her and ran.

* * *

“You can't expect me to believe this was a mugging.”

“I don't know what it was. Honestly.”

“I believe that. But I also believe you're leaving something out.”

“Tell her Octavia. Tell her that your boyfriend beat the shit out of Lexa for no reason!”

The last one was Clarke. She could tell more from how close the voice was rather than from recognition. Her head was splitting, and she could hear machines beeping.

Hospital.

“Not his fault Clarke.”  
She groaned, her voice thick and her jaw too painful to move more than a fraction.   
Everyone in the room jumped at the additional voice.

“Oh thank god.”   
That was Anya? Lexa wasn't sure. She was vaguely aware of something covering one of her ears.

“You're awake!”  
Octavia.

“Yeah but I'm not opening my eyes.”   
The sarcasm function still seemed to work. That was a good sign she wasn't dead. She hadn't been sure at first.

“You can't sweetheart,”   
Clarke found her voice under a shaking breath. Squeezing Lexa's hand to reassure her of her place by her side.   
“One is swollen shut and they…”   
She choked up again and Lexa fought a frown that tried to pull at her mouth. 

“They?”

“You're in the hospital Lexa. You had to have surgery to fix a break near your eye, so they wanted you to keep it closed until it heals up... It's taped, so don't try.”  
At least Anya seemed calm. Lexa still wasn't sure why she was there, but she appreciated the straightforward explanation.

“Bet I look pretty hideous huh?” She returned Clarke's squeeze, morphine clouding her judgement on how well the joke would go over. 

“What did you mean it wasn't his fault?” The reminder was all Clarke needed to find her anger at Lincoln again.

“Griff…” Octavia pleaded from the other side of Lexa's bed. 

Lexa patted where she thought Octavia's hand or knee might be to shush her, missing completely.

“He blacks out. I pushed him too far. No one calls him Abraham because... that's what his dad called him. I shouldn't have…”  
Talking hurt. 

“He shouldn't have tried to kill you.”   
Clarke bristled

“Not his fault.” Lexa tried to emphasise again, managing only a slightly less slurred tone.

“I never knew…”   
Octavia murmured quietly and Lexa reached for hand blindly once more. She found it and brought her other hand over to reassure her sister. Clarke's abandoned hand fell to her knee.

“I only know because I knew his dad, I saw it happen. He prolly hasn't snapped like that since high school. He didn't know what he was doing.” 

“Sure seemed like he knew what he was doing.”  
Clarke muttered. 

Lexa tried to turn back toward the sound of Clarke's voice and pull herself up, but a sharp pain and a dizziness she thought wasn't possible with closed eyes won over and she settled for what she hoped was a scowl. Anya interrupted before she could speak again.

“Clarke, let it go for now, let her rest. You two can argue about it when she feels better ok?”   
Lexa thought she nodded in thanks, but she couldn't be sure. She tried. She heard Clarke sigh and knew she was holding back some scathing remark. Probably something along the lines of it being none of Anya's business.

She registered some muffled conversation as she drifted off for a moment, waking fully again when the door clicked and the room was quiet again aside from the beeping of her monitors.

“Hello?” 

“I sent them for coffee. It's just me.”   
Anya took the seat next to the bed and brushed Lexa's arm gently. Very motherly.

“Whatcha doin here Boss?” 

Anya chuckled at the nickname. 

“Your actual boss, Nick, is also one of your doctors. He called me.”

“I'm not sure he's paying me enough for this visit.”   
She forced a laugh past the ache in her jaw.

“I'm not, but don't worry about the bill. I filed your insurance this morning, and Anya and I are going to cover what that doesn’t when it kicks in.”   
The door clicked again and Nick's voice met her ears.

She wanted to argue, but between the pain of trying to move and being unable to come up with a legitimate way to pay the bill herself, she let it drop.

“How're you feeling?” 

“Like I had my face rearranged.”

“Well we tried to put it back just the way it was.”  
He joked lightly as he checked charts and machines and bandages. He was the same friendly man she'd left at the restaurant that morning, only now he seemed a little more in his element. Putting a patent at ease, not trying to run a business he knew nothing about.   
“You've got a plate in your eye socket, but I don't think it will even scar noticeably. The rest of the damage is broken cartilage and some pretty nasty bruising, but it's safe to say you'll make a full recovery.”

“One step closer to being a robot. Awesome.”  
She put a thumb in the air, earning a laugh.

“I'll let you rest, but I wanted to say, as a friend, not your doctor or your employer… I want you to take my mother's loft above the restaurant. It'll be easier to not have to commute...and safer.”  
Clarke and Octavia's cover story that she'd been mugged apparently worked on Nick, if not Anya.

“I gotta talk to Clarke…” Sleep was sneaking up on her again and she was pretty sure he had messed with the dosage on purpose. 

“Think on it, talk to Clarke, take your time. The offer will still be there.” He patted her knee and headed to the door with Anya in tow as Lexa dozed again, falling fully asleep this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a much longer chapter, but I split it, so if anything feels unfinished, that's why. the rest is coming soon.
> 
> again... please don't hate me, blame the muse.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave you with all that angst, so here's the second half with some fluff.  
> Regularly scheduled programming will resume shortly.

“This is excruciating.”  
Lexa groaned.

“Should I call a nurse?”  
Clarke looked up from the frets of her guitar, instantly worried.

“No. I am bored.” 

“Oh I'm sorry, am I not entertaining enough?” 

“The sass isn't necessary, jerk. I just wish I could see more than a tiny sliver.”  
The swelling in had eased so that she could open one eye partially, but reading or really anything remotely entertaining was still too difficult with such a limited field of vision, so at day four, she was immensely bored.  
She poked experimentally at her bandaged eye until Clarke smacked her hand away. 

“Leave it alone. They said they might take the bandages off today if you don't mess with it.”  
She scowled and though the expression was largely blurred to Lexa, the tone came across all the same. 

“Pretty sure the condition was if the incisions on my eyelids were healed enough, but sure, believe what you want.”  
With one eye covered the eyebrow raise didn't have the full effect, but Clarke had seen it enough to know what she was trying to do.

“Now who's being sassy?”

“I'm blind and bored, I have nothing else to do. Tell me something. Tell me what's been going on at home.”

Clarke set the guitar down and pushed lightly at Lexa's side so she would make room. She obliged and Clarke settled beside her on the bed, wrapping her carefully in her arms.

“You know I haven't left your side, Lexa.”  
She reminded her gently with a kiss to an unbruised spot on her head. 

“I know.”  
Lexa sighed and sank gratefully into Clarke's embrace.  
“But you should. Life doesn't stop just because I got hurt. They need you.”

“You need me. Octavia and Bellamy have it under control.” 

“Octavia's so lost right now, I doubt she's left her bed. I'm here, you're here, Lincoln probably ran off, and she'll be blaming herself for that, Bellamy's her brother, but Lincoln and I practically raised her, and-”

“Lincoln tried to kill you, and bailed. I'm not letting him come back even if he does turn up. I'm sure she’ll understand.”  
Clarke cut her off.

“You still don't get it.”  
Lexa pushed away angrily, as far as the single bed would allow.  
“Yeah, he fucked up. But he's family. And Octavia loves him. We were fighting because he's afraid to lose me again. If you kick him out, he’ll have nothing. Him snapping was my fault. I knew it could happen and I pushed him too far.”  
It was easier to argue now that the painkillers weren't as strong in her system. 

“You're just going to forgive him for… this?”  
Clarke reached to brush the bandages over Lexa's eye and the scab where her nose had broken and split the skin.

“No, I’ll give him hell for it, but I'm not going to punish him for something he had no control over. That's what his father did. That's what made him like this.” 

That seemed to hit home, the stiffness that had taken hold of Clarke's body at the mention of Lincoln melted away and she relaxed into the mountain of pillows Lexa had propped herself up on. Lexa returned to her arms as the tension ebbed and she could feel her breathing return to normal. She hadn't realized she had been near hyperventilating.

Lexa spoke quietly now, almost reverently.

“There was a drunk driver. He was crossing the street with his mom and she pushed him out of the way, but she got hit and she was paralyzed. Lincoln's dad started drinking, then he started blaming him for it, then he started beating him.”

She knew it wasn't her story to tell, but Clarke needed to know.

“I would go over to his house after I ran away to shower and eat and play video games, just to try to be normal ya know? And one day we were just watching TV and he came in and dragged Lincoln away by the ear. He started yelling and hitting him and I couldn't do anything to stop it, but then he was on the ground and not breathing and Lincoln's fists were bloody and he looked right through me. He had no idea what he'd done until we heard sirens and he came out of it. He's been running ever since. He was thirteen.”

Clarke was speechless. 

“Do you understand now? He's had it worse than any of us. This family is all he has. We've had each others backs since that day. That's why he couldn't handle it when I left before and he didn't want me to come back because he was afraid of getting hurt if I left again. It was just me him and O for so long, I'm not sure any of us can survive without the other two.” 

Six years apart had been hard on all of them, Lincoln and Octavia had had each other, but Clarke and Bellamy had both told her that they had seemed to brighten when she'd come back. They were family. 

“We'll find him.”  
Clarke promised quietly, hugging Lexa tighter, more as a comfort to herself.

“Knock knock?” The door creaked open and Nick stepped inside, raising a concerned eyebrow at Clarke. 

“Hey Doctor Boss, have you come to release me from this hell?” Lexa didn't miss a beat, dropping back into sarcastic mode as though the past minutes hadn't happened at all.

“We'll see. As long as you haven't jarred anything…”  
The implication was obvious.

“We were talking, perv.” 

“Hey now, I can keep you here remember? Play nice.”  
He was a good natured man, Clarke had liked him instantly, and he just kept proving himself to be a genuine good person.

“She's been like this all day, I think it's terminal.” Clarke joked, slipping off the bed so Nick could work. 

“Well it looks like they eye is healing up well at least. Shame about the attitude though.”  
He pulled the last of the wrappings away to inspect the incisions from surgery, nodding when he was satisfied with the new pinkish tissue.

“Let's get this eye open shall we?” 

“Please.”  
Lexa was tapping her toes impatiently against the plastic footboard of the bed.

“Clarke, lights please? It'll be an adjustment.”  
Clarke jumped for the switch, clicking it down so that the only light was the morning sun coming through the cracks in the drawn blinds. 

The patch and tape came away with a sting, making Lexa scowl with a hissed breath. 

“Wow. Who thought that was a good wallpaper choice?”  
She lifted her lid slowly, finding it stiff and sore, but welcoming the new found movement. 

“You don't like it? I used the same pattern in the loft. I guess you'll have to redecorate.”  
Nick laughed, checking over the rest of Lexa's injuries as he joked.

“Loft?”  
Clarke questioned

“You didn't tell her?”

“I hadn't made a decision yet.”  
Lexa mocked a glare at her doctor, as he found a seat for what he assumed would be fireworks from what he'd seen of Clarke's temper. 

“Tell me what?”

“Nick offered me the loft above the restaurant.” Lexa shrugged. Clarke had been the one who had told her she should get back to the real world. 

“You're both welcome to it if you want. It was my mother's but she didn't get to live there for long after it was remodeled, so it's nearly brand new.”

“Seriously?”  
Clarke blinked at them, stunned.  
“What's the catch Nick? You give Lexa a job, pay her medical bills, and now you want to give us a place to live?”  
It seemed too good to be true.

“Firstly, Lexa earned the job. The rest... my parents were missionaries I spent my childhood traveling around the world helping people with them. That's why I became a doctor. They would be really disappointed if I didn't do everything I could to help someone in need. And my mother wouldn't want her place sitting empty when you two are sleeping in the subway.”  
He shrugged like it was no big deal. 

“I guess if it's what she would have wanted, I can't say no. Clarke?”  
Lexa looked at her hopefully, it was a roundabout way to ask her to move in together, but it felt like the right thing. She hadn't left her side after all. 

“Okay.” Clarke nodded and Lexa grinned at her. 

“Great!”  
Nick beamed.  
The intercom called his name and his grin quickly turned to a frown at the code. He turned to leave, stopping at the door to explain.  
“One of my other patients...sorry. A nurse is going to have to check your eyes and we'll need a final X-ray, but we should be able to send you home tonight if everything checks out well. I'll be back as soon as I can.”

And he was gone.

“Literal Saint Nick.”  
Clarke muttered in awe. 

“Do you think we can ask him for a pony and a fancy car too?”  
Lexa quipped. Her mood was improved tenfold from the news of being discharged, not to mention having the use of both eyes once again. 

“It is almost Christmas…” Clarke laughed and retook her spot on the bed, holding Lexa's eyes with her own, relearning the patterns drawn in green there. 

“Do you really want to move in with me?”  
Lexa pulled herself up to sit cross legged to give Clarke more room, watching her carefully for any sign of wanting to back out. 

“We might have different rooms down in the tunnels, but we've been living together for a while. Of course I do.”  
Clarke answered with a gentle kiss.  
“I can run things just as well from a real apartment as I can from the Roost. And I'm sure Bellamy won't mind a little extra responsibility, he lives for giving orders” 

Lexa smiled, leaning her forehead gingerly against Clarke's.

“I’m surprised you're so ready to do this. I kinda thought you would feel like you were abandoning our people.” 

“You told me I could do both remember? The life I wanted and the life I'm used to. I didn't think I could before, but I think we can do it together.”

“Together.”  
Lexa echoed, pulling Clarke close, planting a kiss to her forehead as she shifted to hold her. 

Clarke chewed the corner of her lip as she rested her cheek on Lexa's shoulder, running through all that they had been through already, trying to remember just when she had realized she was in love, and all the times she could have said it but didn't. Lexa made her brave, but maybe not that brave. Not yet. She pressed a kiss to Lexa's pulse, sending all her love straight to her heart, hoping that she could feel it, that she knew what she couldn't say, and Lexa sighed happily, holding her tighter and breathing a whisper into her ear.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you commenters, you are my favorite!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resolving this storyline. I swear, this was never meant to be an angsty story

Four walls. Four walls put up for the sole purpose of being a room to sleep in. Four walls with three doors and two windows and heating vents and a carpeted floor beneath it all. Waking up in her own bedroom, in her own house, with Clarke nestled peacefully at her side every morning was nothing short of Christmas. 

The first snow had fallen in the night and the light from the balcony doors filtered in blue and chilly. 

“Lex…” Clarke muttered sleepily as Lexa forced herself out of the warmth of the covers. 

“Go back to sleep.”  
Lexa smiled into the kiss she left on Clarke's temple. Proper living suited her.

“You go back to sleep.” Was the grumpy reply. 

“Wish I could. Snow isn't going to shovel itself and it's a breakfast day.” 

“Snow?” Clarke's eyes opened a fraction, testing the light before finding the drifts piled on the window frames. A grin cut her face, and she stirred fully out of sleep.  
“You should have said!” 

“I didn't know you'd be this excited.” Lexa laughed over her shoulder as she found her way to their closet.

“Snow is the best thing ever invented. Have you ever just sat and watched snow settle on the city in the morning? It's like it's trying to cover all the dirt and filth and make it clean again. It's beautiful.” 

“So you'll be out on the deck painting?” Lexa knew that look. That tone. The one that Clarke could only manage when she wanted to create something. 

Clarke smiled sheepishly as Lexa shrugged into a sweater and coat, looking at her expectantly with her knowing smirk.

“Unless you need me to help with the breakfast rush.”  
She conceded reluctantly. She'd drop everything to help with the restaurant if Lexa asked, but the first snow was almost too tempting. 

“I'm sure I can manage it. Have fun.” She left the room with a smile and Clarke heard the coffee maker a few moments later. Lexa would get her coffee from the kitchen downstairs, but she always put some on for Clarke in their own kitchen when she had to work in the mornings. Clarke snuggled back into the blankets, deciding that the snow and her paints could wait until the coffee was ready.

* * *

“You're late Murphy.” 

“Two minutes! It was the snow!” The moody chef kicked his boots against the wall to remove the snow before coming inside to Lexa's disappointed stare. 

“Two minutes longer for the oven to heat, two minutes longer for customers to wait…” 

“Alright alright, I'm sorry. Won't happen again.” He scowled, ripping his apron off the hook and setting about switching on appliances.

“Murphy.”  
Lexa pulled his attention back to herself once more, meeting him with a smile this time.

“Relax. If I'm giving you a hard time everything is fine. It's when I'm quiet that you have to worry for your job. No one expected all that snow, everyone's going to be late today.” 

Murphy's scowl turned to a disbelieving chuckle, and he shook his head as he poured the first batch of coffee for them both. It was the one appliance he never had to turn on himself. The woman was addicted. 

“You know, when you took over, looking like you lost a fight with a bulldozer, I thought I'd be looking for a new job by the end of the month… but you're not bad, boss.”  
He handed over her mug with a shrug.

“Careful Murphy, that was almost a compliment. You don't want anyone to think you're actually a nice guy do you?” Lexa grinned and dismissed him back to his work with a nod before heading back upstairs to her office. 

The room at the top of the stairs was separate from the rest of the loft, but Lexa could hear music playing from the other side of the wall. Octavia must have dragged herself in in the middle of the night. She left her stack of orders and receipts with a sigh and let herself into the apartment. 

“O?”  
She knocked at the spare room, Octavia's room.  
When there was no response she let herself in. 

“Hey kid.”  
She dropped onto the corner of the bed, patting helplessly at the younger girl's foot as she buried her head deeper into the pillows.  
“Still no luck huh?” 

“Why won't he come home!?”  
The sob ripped through her and Lexa's heart broke all over again. Just as it had every time Octavia had come home empty handed from days of searching for Lincoln. 

“He will. He can't leave you, you know that. He just needs time.”  
It was the same thing she'd been saying for weeks, but she had no idea what else to say. The last Lexa had seen of Lincoln was his fist, but Octavia had seen him hurt and scared and running away. Lexa wasn't sure which was worse. 

“Come downstairs, kid. Murphy's making those mini quiches you like, and it looks like you haven't eaten in days. Come on. I'll help you look for him after breakfast ok?” 

Octavia rolled onto her back and let Lexa help her up, swiping at her eyes as she stood. 

“I've looked everywhere. I don't know what else to do.”

“I have an idea.”

* * *

“Mrs. Easton?”  
She hadn't been expecting the woman to be outside, seemingly waiting for them. She couldn't have known they were coming. 

“I was wondering when I'd see you again.” The little woman raised a brow and waved them up onto the porch and into the house.

“You remember me?” Lexa asked, cautiously keeping Octavia behind her, ‘just in case this got ugly’.

“You've grown up, but I pass that face every day. I know who you are Lexa.” She stopped her chair in front of an antique table in the entryway and passed a framed picture back to the young woman behind her.

It was her. Her and Lincoln. Her first day of high school and Lincoln's first day of eighth grade. Lexa couldn't remember standing still in front of the bus for the picture, but she remembered the new backpack Amara Easton had bought for her and that it had been torn and ruined by the end of that first day.

“You’re looking for Abe. Lincoln you called him wasn't it?”  
His mother guided her chair into the living room, nearly unchanged since Lexa had fled from it ten years before. 

“Has he been here?” Octavia rushed to speak, impatient with her worry.

“My son ran away from home and never came back.” 

Octavia's hope crashed

“Until a month ago.” 

Lexa pulled Octavia back onto the sofa, sensing that they were meant to listen. The woman had her respect, and she would force her sister to show the same if she had to. 

“He came limping home with broken ribs, swearing he had killed his best friend.”  
Amara raised an eyebrow, daring Lexa to deny it.

“I'm alive.” She shrugged. 

“I can see that. And I'm glad. But that boy thinks he's a monster, and it's his father's fault to be sure, good riddance, but you being alive didn't going to fix how he feels. So I'm gonna ask this once and if I don't like the answer, you'll never see my boy again. Are we clear?”

Lexa nodded, jabbing an elbow at a wide eyed Octavia to do the same. 

“Why are you looking for my son?”

Ten years hadn't done anything to weaken the love that the woman had for her son, and Lexa understood why he had finally decided to go home. 

“He's part of our family, Mrs Easton. He means the world to Octavia, and I don't care what he did, he's my best friend. We just want to know he's alright.” 

“I'm fine.” 

Lincoln leaned against the doorframe, clean clothes and a fresh shave making him look better than fine.  
Octavia was in his arms in seconds, nearly vaulting from the sofa to wrap him in a fierce hug. A small shiver of hesitation ran over Lexa's shoulders at the sight of him but she forced it back and stood to meet him, offering a grateful smile to his mother who just nodded her encouragement.

She waited as Octavia fussed for a moment, only stepping into arms reach when Lincoln turned his attention to her.  
He studied the few remaining angry pink lines that decorated her brow and nose, eyes filling with a mix of regret and pain.  
“Lexa…” 

“I'm ok...” She brought her fingertips to the outer ridge of her eye, feeling metal under skin, a new nervous habit she'd picked up as she relearned the feel of her own face.  
Lincoln just frowned, taking in the gesture and her quiet tone.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“You didn't know what you were doing. I understand.”  
She wouldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't, but it wasn't his fault. 

“Not just for that. For all of it. I just… I was wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get off the streets. I should have just been happy for you. I am happy for you.” 

Lexa watched his eyes flick once to his mother and she knew how he had come to his conclusion. She broke the tension and reached out for a hug, something Lincoln had been afraid to do in case she wouldn't let him touch her after what he'd done. 

“You should come by for dinner sometime. The new menu is heaven.” She chuckled as she stepped away, extending the invitation to the woman behind her as well. 

“Lexa gave us a room in her house.”Octavia informed him proudly.

“He's not coming home with us O.”  
Lexa tried to catch her up gently, knowing that in her relief she hadn't seen the obvious truth.

She made a face, offended and confused and slightly hurt, like Lexa had decided against letting him come back.

“I'm going to stay here, to take care of my mother.” Lincoln held her by the shoulders, willing her to understand with his eyes. She gaped for a moment, processing what that would mean. 

“But we'll still see you right? You're not just going to leave, are you.” 

“Octavia, you know I can't leave you. Not even if I wanted to. You wouldn't let me right?” He laughed, pulling her close before she cried. He didn't think he could handle tears.  
“But my mom needs me, and Lexa has the right idea. We can't just be homeless kids for the rest of our lives. I didn't want to admit it before because I didn't think I could ever go home. I was wrong, and I need to fix things here.”

Octavia nodded against his chest, gripping his shirt so hard Lexa thought it would tear. This was the end of a month long emotional roller coaster, and it had taken its toll on her. The spare room at the loft would probably be empty for weeks as Octavia would be reluctant to let Lincoln out of her sight. 

“You'll have to get a real job…”  
Lexa raised an eyebrow at him. He had picked up a plethora of talents over the years, but most jobs would want a high school diploma, which he hadn't received.

“I'll figure it out.” He shrugged.

“How about helping out at the restaurant? At least until you find something you actually want to do.”  
Lexa offered with a shrug of her own, trying to make the offer sound like anything but charity. They both knew he didn't have a lot of other options.

“You don't have to…” 

“You'd be doing me a favor really.”  
She laughed.

“Alright, I guess I do kinda owe you.”

* * *

“You gonna make it tiger?” Raven leaned back against Octavia's knees at the sound of her sigh. 

“I'll live.”  
She groaned.  
“Everything is just changing so much and I'm having a hard time keeping up.”  
She fell back into the plush sofa, leaning into Clarke, who was nestled beside her with a notebook in her lap.

“It’s good changes though O.” Clarke reminded her, absently, scribbling a line then crossing it out with a frown as it didn't work. 

“I know. And I get it, I do. Lincoln was right, we can't just be homeless kids forever, but I've never known anything else. I've only spent two years of my life living in a proper house. Lincoln and Lexa have been there nearly as long as I can remember and now…” 

“Now they're both changing.”  
Raven finished for her when she couldn't find the right words.

“It's not that, not really. I mean, Lexa always wanted this, I saw this coming. Well maybe not her being all sappy and domestic with you...”  
She jabbed at Clarke with a laugh.  
“But, Lincoln… I never really knew about what happened before he ran away with us, and he's never really had a plan, and now he's trying to go home like nothing happened. I couldn't have seen that coming if I was psychic. I feel like I have to keep up with them ya know? But I don't know what I want to do.”

“You don't have to figure it out right away. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like a leech living here sometimes. But Lexa needs us here, so at least we've got that.” 

“She needs you.” Octavia countered pointedly. 

Clarke turned to glare at her, unimpressed.  
“If you really believe that you being around hasn't helped her, you need your head checked.”

“Speaking of… where is the boss? I thought we were going out.” Raven quipped, tapping her feet impatient against the table, ready to be done with deep conversation.

“She said she'd be in when she finished the budget.” Clarke reminded her for the third time. 

“She's a workaholic.” Raven sulked.

“You're not wrong, but it makes her happy, so I'm not going to complain.”

“Well I'll complain then. It's a weekend and we need to go get our drink on!”  
The pout deepened. 

It was all a ploy of course. To make everyone forget about all the crap they'd been through since what she was now calling, the incident. Octavia’s sulking was bad enough without Lexa getting stuck in deep thought and burying herself in her work. Clarke wouldn't say anything about it, but Raven knew her friend well enough to know it bothered her too. So she planned a night out. She made it sound like she was dragging them along for herself, but it was part of an elaborate plan to get the three of them back to normal. She was very good at pretending to be selfish, at least she thought so. No one had the heart to tell her that they all knew she was a kind caring person. 

“I'll go check on her.” Clarke sighed, tossing her notebook onto the table. 

The front door creaked open before she could lever herself off the sofa and Lexa's voice filtered through the kitchen to their ears.

“Raven? You still here?”

“Present and accounted for, Commander Sir!”  
Raven jumped up and offered her hands to Octavia and Clarke to pull them up beside her.  
Lexa trudged into the living room with an amused smirk and tired eyes. 

“No. You're bailing aren't you?”  
Raven saw the excuses unjumbling themselves on Lexa's tongue before she could speak.

“Sorry Ray… I'm just exhausted. It's been a long day and tomorrow starts early again. I'll make it up to you, I promise.”  
She pulled the corner of her lip up in a tired apologetic half smile and let Raven scowl at her. 

“Better be good.” She muttered sullenly.

“Go down to the kitchen and tell Finn that I said to give you the kitchen sink. That should cover it.”  
Lexa smirked at the confused look that took over Ravens face in an instant.

“What the fuck am I going to do with your sink?!” 

“Just go get it.” 

Raven turned to go, face scrunched in concern and confusion. Lexa must have lost her mind.

“What's the kitchen sink?” Octavia asked, equally confused.

“We put the last bit of every bottle of wine we serve together and top it off with soda water. It's kinda a wine cooler suicide. It's pretty disgusting, but it gets you pretty slammed. The closing shift usually breaks into it after we shut down for the night.”  
Lexa shrugged. It had been a busy night and there were two bottles, so the kitchen staff wouldn't mind sharing. 

“That. Is. Brilliant. I think I'm gonna go make sure she doesn't, uh, drink it all at once. Without me.”  
Octavia grinned and Clarke and Lexa rolled their eyes. 

“Be safe.” Lexa called after her as she bounded to the door. 

“That's one way to get them out of the house.”  
Clarke laughed, wrapping her arms around Lexa's waist to pull her close for a kiss. 

“Had to get you alone somehow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end for now. Setting this one aside to work on other projects.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've figured out where this is going... For two chapters at least. (Read: I'm not good at planning)

“Griffin, what are you doing?”

Octavia stepped out into the sidewalk, craning her neck to see her friend their patio above. 

“Playing guitar? Was that confusing?”   
Clarke stepped to the railing, slinging the guitar around to her back to lean forward and make a face at the younger girl.

“People think Lexa is paying you.” 

She could only hold her laughter back for a moment, breaking quickly as the idea settled in her head. Octavia scowled, rubbing her arms against the cold. 

“Come on, it's funny. If Lexa hired musical entertainment, wouldn't she have them inside? I'm just out here enjoying the snow.”

“The snow is what's unamusing.” Octavia grumped, trudging back to her post just inside the door.   
She was a good hostess, but she got bored easily and she had already started begging Lexa to let her try her hand in the kitchen. 

“Theo, that crazy old guy that comes in every Thursday,”  
Lexa appeared at Clarke's side almost the exact moment Octavia disappeared from sight, accompanied by the squeak of cold door hinges.  
“He sent his hat around for tips.”  
She shook a heavy envelope.  
“You made at least fifty bucks.” 

Clarke's eyes widened as Lexa closed her fingers around her earnings for her, pressing a smiling kiss to her cheek before she stepped back. 

“You're shitting me.”

“It's a weekday lunch, they're a bunch of dotty old folks with too much pocket change and nothing to spend it on. You should play Sunday breakfast, you'd be rich.”

Lexa smirked devilishly at her as she retreated back to the warmth of their apartment. Clarke had to follow, too stunned still to pick up where she had left off. 

“Wait, hold up. You want me to play for your customers?”   
She set her guitar in its stand (an early Christmas gift from Lexa) and followed her into the kitchen.

“Only if you want to. I can't actually pay you, per say, but you could make a good deal of money from tips.”

Clarke chuckled and wandered to Lexa's side, wrapping her arms around her from behind as she absently straightened up their things laid out over the counter.

“I don't need money, per say…”   
She mimicked Lexa's formal speaking, lacing it with a seductive whisper against her earlobe. The shiver that went down Lexas spine made Clarke grin and she had to take a breath before continuing.  
“I'm sure I can think of some other way for you to compensate me for my time.”   
She felt Lexa sink into her arms and couldn't resist pressing her hips forward into her weight to make herself clear. 

“Clarke.”   
Lexa's warning sigh came out closer to a strangled moan. And Clarke's soft laugh ghosted against her ear. 

“I have to go back to work.”   
The whine was halfhearted, her resolve already crumbling. 

“You can make some time can't you?”   
It wasn't really a question so much as an excuse for Lexa to give herself. Clarke had won this game before and she knew the winning moves by heart. Her hands were already at work at the band of Lexa's pants and the bottom buttons of her shirt. 

Lexa turned her head to catch her eye from the corner of her own, putting what little resistance she had left into one last glare that turned all too quickly into squeezed shut lids and a stifled groan as the button of her jeans released.

“I could take you on your desk… if that would make you feel, productive.”   
She'd thought about it before, when Lexa was working late and she was waiting alone in their bed, but she had never mentioned it.   
Lexa's eyes blew wide and Clarke wasn't sure if it was from the suggestion or her cold fingertips under the fabric at her hip. The single, firm nod that came after was all the answer she needed. 

Clarke tried to pull her teasing hand away but Lexas grip on her wrist stopped her. Her fingers were still tucked gingerly under the band of her underwear and she flexed them slightly against the pressure of Lexa's grip. Before she could react, she felt warm wetness surround all four fingers as Lexa pushed her further, closer to where she was needed. Clarke moaned at the flood she had already brought between Lexa's legs, feeling her own warmth spread suddenly.

 _‘The desk will have to wait.’_  
She thought as Lexa rocked against her fingers, once, twice… and then her hand was being pulled away and the groan that escaped her lips was not in pleasure. 

“Desk. Now.” Lexa growled against her ear, head thrown back over Clarke's shoulder.   
She stepped away, pulling Clarke with her towards the door and Clarke decided to let her have this little piece of dominance. For now.

Lexa pulled the door to the stairwell open and slammed it shut immediately, stopping abruptly, causing Clarke's nose to bump hard against her shoulder as she was caught unprepared.   
Lexa stared in horror until three polite knocks came across the wood. 

“Wha?”   
Clarke stare jumped from Lexa to the door in confusion.   
Lexa drew in a long breath and opened the door again, slowly this time. 

“Anya.” 

“Lexa. Clarke.”   
Anya's smile grew as she connected the dots and Lexa's attempt to remain casual crumbled, bringing red flooding to her cheeks. Clarke simply stepped aside to wave Anya into the apartment with a cocky smirk and a raised brow. 

“Care to join us Anya?”

Lexa choked on her next breath. 

“Tempting.”   
Anya replied cooly, waving off the offer to come inside.  
“Another time maybe.”

“You're both trying to kill me. That's fine.” Lexa muttered, fixing her buttons and tugging her hair back smooth and into place.

“Nah, you're just normally so composed, Lexa, it would be a tragedy to pass up the opportunity to mess with you.” 

Any smiled warmly at Lexa's scowl and Clarke nodded her agreement. 

“I am really sorry to interrupt your, uh, moment…. I just came by to see if either of you had seen Tris’ monkey. She's going to have a complete meltdown if I don't find it and I thought she might have left it here when Octavia was watching her the other night.”   
Anya had developed the perfect combination of apologetic and deeply concerned that only a mother could perfect while catering to a child's strange whims.

“Oh! Yeah! It's on the TV. Hang on!”   
Clarke jumped to retrieve the item in question. Returning moments later with a scruffy looking gorilla plush. Anya accepted it with a laugh.

“I was hoping she'd outgrow this.”

“Good luck, I had a raccoon that I carted around til I was twelve.” 

“Well I guess you turned out alright.”   
Anya teased, turning back down the stairs with a wink.  
“As you were ladies, I was never here.” 

“I like her.”  
Clarke laughed when she was gone and the door was closed once more. 

“Pity. I'm going to murder her.”   
Lexa grumbled, pacing the hallway as she put herself back to together.   
“I need to get back to work.” 

It was more a reminder to herself than anything else, the spell of the moment broken but not entirely dissipated, by Anya's interruption. Clarke huffed an irritated breath and grabbed for her boots by the door. She was still buzzing and if Lexa was going to brush her off she needed to find something else to occupy her time.

“Fine, I'm going down to the AK to check on Bell and Raven. But we are picking this up later.”   
Clarke leveled a decisive stare at Lexa until she received a smile in return. 

“Yes ma'am.”

* * *

“Give me some good news.”  
Clarke's feet slammed into the gravel between the rails and the Griffin was back. All business. Lexa had her business, and Clarke had her own.

“Sorry boss, all I've got is bad news and a handful of pocket lint.”   
Bellamy shuffled the offending lint through his fingers until it crumbled away, shrugging sullenly. 

“Seriously? It can't be that bad can it?” 

“It is.”   
Raven flipped through a tattered notebook, making marks as she went.   
“Even with the help from the restaurant-”

“Which I don't like taking by the way.”   
Bellamy interjected pointedly, earning a glare from Raven.

“Noted. Continue, Raven?”  
Clarke rolled her eyes, Bell was just going to have to get over himself and his ‘no handouts’, rule. Plenty of their crew had legitimate jobs to help provide for the rest, Bellamy included. Lexa's just happened to come with food as well as cash. 

“Even with that, and half our kids going back to the shelters or their foster homes for the winter, we aren't making enough to feed the mouths we have left. Not to mention pay off transit authority and Officer Bern. We're sinking, Griff.”  
She rubbed the back of her neck nervously, waiting for the temper. 

“Well fuck.”  
Clarke slumped back against a curved wall, sinking down to rest her chin on her knees. 

“We have to open the atrium again. Knockout was our biggest income. A couple big fights and we'll be set for months.”  
Bellamy gave her their only solution, Raven nodding her agreement until Clarke's head jerked up to level a glare at the pair of them.

“Absolutely not! I hate those damn fucking fights and we're not risking the whole line again. Not after last time.” 

“We don't have a choice, Griffin. We've been surviving on what was left from Lincoln and Lexa's fight for the last three months. That's a good chunk of change, if we can do that again-”

“Lincoln and Lexa's fight?! If you're wanting a repeat of that you're out of your god damned minds! Lexa has a plate in her skull, and Lincoln has practically become a monk, he won't hurt a flea. They are never getting in a ring again, I don't care how many people starve!”   
She was back on her feet, cutting her friend off with a rough shove, knocking him back a step in her anger. 

“No one's saying they have to fight Griff. No one wants that.”   
Raven pulled her back, putting herself between her friends before it got ugly. Griffin might hate the fights, but she had been known to throw a wicked punch if she was upset enough.   
“We'll find other fighters. But we need the money, and this is the only solution. If we cut Bern and the TA in for a larger share, the line is safe. We can make it work. It has to, it's all we have.”

“And when Bern can't keep complaints off her boss’ desk and we can't bribe away the investigation they send down here again? It's not a sure thing. We've only been able to stay here because we've kept our heads down.”

“We don't have a choice.”  
Bellamy repeated, pushing himself up onto the platform, out of reach if Clarke decided on another swing. 

“Fine.”   
They were right, she knew they were. She hated admitting it but it was the truth.   
“But do it right. No loose ends, no Transit Authority raids, no cops. We do just enough to get us through the winter and we shut it down. Clear?”   
Clarke waited, glaring determinately between her two friends. 

“Crystal. Don't worry, we've got this.”

* * *

The lull between the lunch rush and dinner was usually time to get paperwork done. That was going to have to wait. Lexa decided very quickly that she couldn't handle her office today, not with the echo of Clarke's suggestion ringing through her mind when she stepped inside to be greeted with the sight of her desk.

 _‘Inventory it is then.’_  
She decided, schooling her face back to impassive as she took the stairs down to the kitchen. 

Kitchen commotion was becoming a soothing sound to her now, the clatter of dishes over the crackle and bubbling of the stove and its simmering pots, Murphy grumbling orders and the swinging doors to the dining area swooshing against one another as orders were carried out. It cleared her head. Running her own business, particularly a restaurant, was never something Lexa had even dreamed of, she wasn't sure if she'd ever wanted it, but it felt like home to her now. She knew that without Clarke and Octavia and Lincoln around she would probably hate this, hate working just for a paycheck and a nice place to live, but they were here and it meant something because of them. She could give Octavia a good shot this way, give the kids she'd grown to be protective of a good meal, give Lincoln a chance to get on his own feet. She could give Clarke a good life. 

“Daydreaming, Boss?”   
Murphy wiped his hands and slung the towel over his shoulder, tipping his head to his shoulder as he pulled her out of her contemplative revere. 

“Trying to figure out which soup is hottest so I know which to dump on your head, Murphy.”   
Lexa laughed and pushed herself off the wall she had come to rest against, moving past him into the kitchen.

“I would go with the chicken and dumpling at the moment, but that's me. And also, Finn put it on before he left and it's not as good as mine, so it wouldn't be a huge loss.”   
He didn't miss a beat.

“Except then Finn would have to cover weeknight dinners and there would be more sub par chicken and dumpling soup.”   
She pulled a testing spoon from the rack and tried the soup in question. There was nothing wrong as far as she could tell, but Murphy was the chef, so she figured he knew best.   
“I guess you're safe for now.”

“Why were we dumping soup on my head in the first place?”

Lexa shrugged noncommittally.  
“Boredom?”

“Does that help? Because if picturing dumping soup on people helps cure boredom, I've been doing it all wrong.” 

“I'll have to get back to you on that. If I can get through inventory without becoming homicidal, we're gold.”   
She sighed, realizing again why she tended to put off inventory as long as possible. 

“Yeah have fun with that.”   
Murphy rolled the corner of his lip up in disdain and turned back to his order.

“If I'm not out of the freezer in an hour, send search and rescue.”

“That's the big guy right? He's pretty much a Saint Bernard.”  
Lincoln's head jerked up from his task at the dish sink to scowl at the chef who just shrugged with a look that said ‘am I wrong?’  
Lincoln shook his head and returned to work. Saint Bernard was better than President of Pain. 

“Back to work, Murphy.” 

“Yes boss! Kitchen peons! Back to work!”  
Murphy saluted with a sarcastic smirk and turned to the assistants milling around the kitchen waiting for an order to come through.  
They were all used to his random power trips. 

“Yes Chef!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Murphy love is endless and I'm bouncing around an idea for a "Histories" chapter for him (I need to do Lincoln and Raven's too). Interested? Yes no maybe?

**Author's Note:**

> Songs credited to Saving Jane. "From the Sky", "Butterflies", "Come Down To Me", and "Don't Stop", "Sleep On It"


End file.
